May 12, 2025

Altering the Perception of Caregivers and Dementia with Dr. Fayron Epps

Altering the Perception of Caregivers and Dementia with Dr. Fayron Epps

When Dr. Fayron Epps launched the Altar program, she was told repeatedly that no one would fund research connecting faith and dementia care in the Black community. Fast forward to today, and her groundbreaking initiative has expanded to 23 states, 112 faith communities, and 14 Christian denominations—with millions in funding from government agencies, corporate sponsors, and foundations.

What makes this program revolutionary is its dual approach: utilizing the "altar" of the church while "altering" perceptions about dementia in Black communities. By training faith leaders to support caregivers over a committed two-year partnership, Alter creates sustainable support systems where judgment is replaced with understanding and practical assistance.

During our conversation at what I insisted on calling the "summit convention" , Dr. Epps revealed how her own experience of not wearing stockings to church and feeling judged informed her passion for creating more inclusive faith spaces. She shared powerful stories of pastors who initially seemed hesitant but eventually became champions for caregivers in their congregations.

Most compelling was learning about Altar's newest focus on youth caregivers—teenagers who silently shoulder adult responsibilities without recognition or emotional support.

For caregivers feeling isolated or judged within their faith communities, Dr. Epps offers a vision of what could be—churches that recognize your struggle, make space for your loved one's changing behaviors, and provide genuine support rather than mere platitudes.


Want to learn more about bringing the Altar program to your community? Visit their website at alterdementia.com.

Host: J Smiles Comedy

Producer: Mia Hall

Editor: Annelise Udoye

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00:00 - Introducing Dr. Faye Ron Epps

06:44 - Faith-Based Approach to Dementia Care

16:23 - Building the Altar Program Movement

23:07 - Financial Support and Church Partnerships

34:46 - Youth Caregivers: The Overlooked Contributors

39:01 - Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

WEBVTT

00:00:00.059 --> 00:00:01.266
That's what altar is.

00:00:01.266 --> 00:00:06.511
Yeah, it is us altering our perception of dementia, altering our attitude toward dementia.

00:00:06.721 --> 00:00:08.448
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.

00:00:09.682 --> 00:00:10.807
And that's what altar is.

00:00:10.807 --> 00:00:12.848
So we are playing off the altar of the church.

00:00:12.848 --> 00:00:20.006
Come to the altar, yes, but also let's alter our perception in the black community so we don't be so judgmental.

00:00:20.006 --> 00:00:24.362
We understand and we're like, oh, how can I help?

00:00:24.362 --> 00:00:30.388
Or let me just help, don't even ask how to help, let me just okay, let me do that.

00:00:30.388 --> 00:00:35.392
And that's what we're working toward and that's why we're here this evening.

00:00:35.392 --> 00:00:42.476
We got the power of the pulpit, so we have faith leaders talking about how important it is, and then you brought up how people are investing.

00:00:42.476 --> 00:00:50.661
I've got to let people know that when you're doing God's work, you're letting Him order your steps and you're serving His people.

00:00:50.661 --> 00:00:52.408
He will make provision.

00:00:52.408 --> 00:00:55.331
How many times we've heard that in a sermon?

00:00:55.331 --> 00:00:58.985
And I'm here to say that it actually is true Parenting Up.

00:00:59.310 --> 00:01:07.787
Caregiving Adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.

00:01:07.787 --> 00:01:19.367
For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.

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Spoiler alert this shit is heavy.

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That's why I started doing comedy.

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So be ready for the jokes.

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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver.

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You are in the right place.

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Hi, this is Betty.

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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.

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Is that okay?

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Today's supporter shout out comes from Instagram.

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Dst 37, rebel.

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She be so serious about reading her magazines.

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Emoji with all the kissy hearts.

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I assume that she is Zetty.

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Yeah, yeah, she is.

00:02:14.645 --> 00:02:17.388
And what's crazy y'all is?

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You know she ain't really reading out loud, no more, but that baby remembers loving to read.

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Thank you, dst.

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If you want to receive a supportive shout out, you know what to do.

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Leave a review Apple podcast, youtube or Instagram.

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We are parenting up everywhere, thank you.

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Today's episode altering the perception of caregivers and dementia.

00:02:46.741 --> 00:03:45.378
Thank you.

00:03:45.378 --> 00:03:46.838
What's up parenting parents and other family.

00:03:46.838 --> 00:03:53.960
Once again, it ain't me, but we have outdone ourselves as a community.

00:03:53.960 --> 00:04:02.935
It is the dementia gods trying to say we know it's hard, but we are going to give you all a reason to smile and a reason to keep going.

00:04:03.820 --> 00:04:14.009
I ain't do it, but some kind of way I am in right in the middle of the altar conference convention.

00:04:14.009 --> 00:04:21.728
I am sitting here with the founder, the one and only Dr Faye Ron Epps.

00:04:21.728 --> 00:04:22.728
Now let me tell you something.

00:04:22.728 --> 00:04:26.014
She got so many commas behind her name.

00:04:26.014 --> 00:04:28.689
I ain't going to mess around and get that thing out of order.

00:04:28.689 --> 00:04:32.680
My grandmama told me you can't mess up people's schooling, okay.

00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:34.988
So I'm going to just tell y'all to go look her up.

00:04:34.988 --> 00:04:36.024
But this is the thing.

00:04:36.024 --> 00:04:43.454
She has research behind her and she has community activists behind her.

00:04:43.454 --> 00:04:48.451
She got the government M-I-N-T behind her.

00:04:48.451 --> 00:04:50.887
She got corporate money behind her.

00:04:50.887 --> 00:04:53.348
She got hip-hop artists behind her.

00:04:53.348 --> 00:04:59.086
She got civil rights organizations behind her and she ain't even on a cane.

00:04:59.086 --> 00:04:59.970
Y'all feel what I'm saying.

00:04:59.970 --> 00:05:06.391
She ain't no old legacy purse, this baby about 18, 18, 19 years old.

00:05:06.391 --> 00:05:08.240
She got baby skin.

00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:10.584
Get some shea butter on here.

00:05:10.584 --> 00:05:11.086
I smell.

00:05:11.125 --> 00:05:22.048
it ain't no white diamonds, okay I can't dr x how you doing honey, I can't, I can't I'm doing good.

00:05:22.048 --> 00:05:22.709
Thank.

00:05:22.709 --> 00:05:24.672
And did you say a convention?

00:05:24.672 --> 00:05:26.874
Wow, that's just a little meaning.

00:05:27.115 --> 00:05:28.516
No, it ain't you called it a convention?

00:05:28.536 --> 00:05:28.976
No, it ain't.

00:05:29.259 --> 00:05:30.362
Let me tell you why I called it a convention.

00:05:30.362 --> 00:05:32.007
Tell me she can be humble.

00:05:32.007 --> 00:05:41.851
I ain't got to be humble Because, since it's doing it in the middle of the world being on fire, in the middle of listen, for legacy's sake, it is 2025.

00:05:41.851 --> 00:05:43.937
It's 2025.

00:05:43.937 --> 00:05:50.341
The government is firing people and slashing things.

00:05:50.341 --> 00:05:51.242
Talking about some ain't no diversity.

00:05:51.242 --> 00:06:18.939
I was put on a cool shuttle to go from the exhibit registration over to where we are right now government and academic and corporate sponsors, front and center and happy as you know what to be sponsoring this convention.

00:06:18.939 --> 00:06:32.834
Because I saw bags when you get, I got a badge on, and when you have a bag with goodies in it, and there is a shuttle because there are multiple points.

00:06:33.701 --> 00:06:44.495
And then you got in, I got into this particular site and there are signs, y'all colorful signs, saying if you go into this session, go left.

00:06:44.495 --> 00:06:46.838
If you go into this session, go left.

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If you go into this session, go upstairs.

00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:50.735
If you go into the third session, go to the right.

00:06:50.735 --> 00:06:53.531
Okay, and we got multiple Bathrooms, y'all.

00:06:53.531 --> 00:06:55.495
This ain't even part Of the interview, drl.

00:06:55.495 --> 00:07:01.673
This just me trying to prove to these people that we at a convention Alright, I'm going to receive it.

00:07:01.802 --> 00:07:02.819
I'm going to receive it.

00:07:04.704 --> 00:07:07.833
We'll talk offline about you and your convention.

00:07:07.833 --> 00:07:10.519
Okay, all right, okay, anyway, but it is a convention.

00:07:10.519 --> 00:07:20.588
So I am so honored that I was able to steal you away a little bit in the midst of such a phenomenal event.

00:07:20.588 --> 00:07:25.646
It is alter, okay, on your shirt it says dementia summit.

00:07:25.646 --> 00:07:27.492
That's bigger than a convention.

00:07:27.492 --> 00:07:31.113
So play me All right, anyway, we're going, I'm gonna let this go.

00:07:31.113 --> 00:07:33.141
Okay, okay, it's a summit convention.

00:07:33.141 --> 00:07:35.949
All right Now, top that I don't know.

00:07:35.949 --> 00:07:37.312
Ain't nobody had a summit convention?

00:07:37.312 --> 00:07:39.341
All right Now.

00:07:39.341 --> 00:07:49.494
What is so magical to me about you is that you have a PhD in nursing.

00:07:49.494 --> 00:07:50.194
Is that correct?

00:07:50.194 --> 00:07:54.307
Yes, okay, and y'all, I swear she looked 12.

00:07:54.307 --> 00:07:58.824
I don't know how she got out of that school and but anyway, she has a PhD in nursing.

00:07:58.824 --> 00:08:14.555
And you have put your life's work into the intersection of caregiving the underserved population and the faith community.

00:08:14.555 --> 00:08:22.211
Yes, and some kind of way you have gotten mainstream to give you money to do it.

00:08:22.211 --> 00:08:30.023
Yes, do tell, do tell, dear Dr Epps, do tell.

00:08:30.023 --> 00:08:35.732
How did you have the courage to tell that dream out loud?

00:08:36.053 --> 00:08:42.231
Yeah, well, you know, thank you for bringing that up because I have to just tell you it's nothing but God it really is.

00:08:42.231 --> 00:08:49.971
It's nothing but Him Because when I started off with my schooling I am a woman of faith that has been very constant in my rearing.

00:08:49.971 --> 00:08:51.053
It's in my family.

00:08:51.053 --> 00:08:55.610
And when I wanted to do my research studies I wanted to look at religiosity.

00:08:55.610 --> 00:08:56.559
I wanted to study it more.

00:08:56.559 --> 00:08:59.583
I was interested why I got put out of church.

00:08:59.583 --> 00:09:01.086
Because I had stockings on right.

00:09:01.086 --> 00:09:02.727
I mean, I didn't have stockings on.

00:09:02.727 --> 00:09:05.692
I should say you know all that judging that goes on in church.

00:09:05.692 --> 00:09:07.654
I just really wanted to just dig into it.

00:09:07.654 --> 00:09:12.207
But people kept on saying no one's going to give you money for studying religion.

00:09:12.207 --> 00:09:14.533
No one cares about religion.

00:09:14.533 --> 00:09:16.423
Caregiving was big in my family.

00:09:16.423 --> 00:09:22.640
No one cares about religion, the caregiver's religion and their faith and how that plays.

00:09:22.640 --> 00:09:26.322
Everyone just kept on putting it off and so I followed them.

00:09:26.322 --> 00:09:29.442
I said, okay, no one cares, let me go over here and do this.

00:09:29.442 --> 00:09:36.285
But I knew one thing I always want to do work in my community and that's with the black community.

00:09:36.285 --> 00:09:40.587
So it doesn't matter what you research, what you do, faith is going to come out Church, the pastor.

00:09:40.587 --> 00:09:42.129
It's going to come out in their responses.

00:09:42.129 --> 00:09:43.908
It's going to come out Church the pastor.

00:09:43.908 --> 00:09:45.830
It's going to come out in their responses.

00:09:45.830 --> 00:09:47.331
It's going to come out in their stories.

00:09:47.331 --> 00:09:54.114
And at that point I couldn't ignore it and I had to just step out on my faith and be like I hear you, god.

00:09:54.114 --> 00:09:57.955
I have to say this is what I'm going to do in my professional role.

00:09:57.955 --> 00:10:14.308
I am going to really explore how I can make sure that these caregivers are still being spiritually supported, how those persons living with dementia can still be spiritually supported, what faith-based interventions I can develop.

00:10:14.308 --> 00:10:15.633
And I had someone at Georgia State, as a matter of fact.

00:10:15.633 --> 00:10:17.322
She said how did you get this funded?

00:10:17.322 --> 00:10:21.013
You got a whole faith hat was the name of my intervention.

00:10:21.013 --> 00:10:36.206
But the thing is, god gave me the gift of how to highlight health outcomes, because that's what people are interested in, and they forgot they read about all that religion and faith by the time they got to their health outcomes.

00:10:36.206 --> 00:10:39.943
And here we are, and so that's how that research got started.

00:10:40.043 --> 00:10:44.883
And as I started working with families and in the community, I heard from the community.

00:10:44.883 --> 00:10:47.368
I moved to Atlanta in 2016.

00:10:47.368 --> 00:10:48.610
They said start with the church.

00:10:48.610 --> 00:10:52.601
I was like what Start with the church?

00:10:52.601 --> 00:10:55.145
My bishop, who will be speaking during this keynote this evening.

00:10:55.145 --> 00:10:58.331
He said start a ministry.

00:10:58.331 --> 00:10:59.575
What?

00:10:59.575 --> 00:11:02.525
No, no, no.

00:11:02.525 --> 00:11:13.308
You know, because I am that person that sits on a pew, let me pay my little money and maybe pledge money, tithe money, I don't know, but I'm gonna pay my little money and I'm gonna leave before even he says amen at the end.

00:11:13.308 --> 00:11:17.644
I'm out the door in the car and for him to say, no, you need to start a ministry.

00:11:17.644 --> 00:11:23.662
And the whole thing is I was like well, what ministry I start because I don't get to church on time?

00:11:23.662 --> 00:11:25.505
Can't be, usher, right, can't be.

00:11:25.505 --> 00:11:28.350
No, greeter, start Because I don't get to church on time.

00:11:28.370 --> 00:11:28.951
Can't be usher right?

00:11:28.951 --> 00:11:29.653
Can't be no greeter.

00:11:29.653 --> 00:11:31.216
Come on now, I don't sing.

00:11:31.216 --> 00:11:32.259
Tell me this, dr Elsie.

00:11:32.259 --> 00:11:33.542
Tell the truth, how long did?

00:11:33.562 --> 00:11:34.725
you fight that I'm not going to start that ministry.

00:11:34.725 --> 00:11:35.287
You know what?

00:11:35.287 --> 00:11:36.389
It wasn't that long.

00:11:36.389 --> 00:11:42.427
It wasn't Because that evening when he told me that and he asked me, he said well, what do you do?

00:11:42.427 --> 00:11:49.456
Because I had a whole list of things I don't do and I said I do older people and I started explaining about dementia and caregiving.

00:11:49.456 --> 00:11:54.014
He said, well, that's your ministry.

00:11:54.014 --> 00:12:04.827
And I just left puzzled and then when I went home I called some colleagues, ladies that I had met when I moved to Atlanta and I told them what he said and they say let's do this.

00:12:04.827 --> 00:12:07.523
And I was like, are y'all serious?

00:12:08.585 --> 00:12:13.663
And we put together a proposal and brought it back to my bishop and he said this is it.

00:12:13.663 --> 00:12:22.493
And it was just started off with us going out and educating, giving our time, educating the community about dementia and awareness, and it started off with three people.

00:12:22.493 --> 00:12:32.445
Next thing, you know, we had people all outside the door because they heard about it and they wanted to be part of this and it's all about responding to the community.

00:12:32.445 --> 00:12:44.469
And that's when I seen oh okay, this is it, this is the ministry, and it has really it has transformed and the reason it's transformed and I'll tell everybody that's listening.

00:12:44.469 --> 00:12:51.616
You have to listen to hear to be able to respond.

00:12:51.616 --> 00:12:57.308
And so when I'm out in the community, I'm talking to any family, any individual.

00:12:57.308 --> 00:12:59.793
I'm listening to hear and respond.

00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:05.110
And the altar program was created because of a response to a bishop.

00:13:05.110 --> 00:13:11.410
Bishop Aaron Lackey, after his education session, came to me he said so what I'm supposed to do with this?

00:13:11.410 --> 00:13:18.667
And I didn't even have an answer because I thought I was doing good, because I was just educating people, because that's what they told us Go out and educate.

00:13:18.687 --> 00:13:22.067
You got to educate and you're like Bishop you told me to educate.

00:13:22.067 --> 00:13:23.051
I got some folks.

00:13:23.051 --> 00:13:28.065
I'm educating him right here in Atlanta and okay, check, let me go on back to work.

00:13:28.065 --> 00:13:31.270
Yeah, and Bishop said uh-uh, what do we do?

00:13:31.270 --> 00:13:33.922
This thing has struck like fire, it's spreading.

00:13:34.761 --> 00:13:35.523
What's next?

00:13:35.523 --> 00:13:44.489
Yes, and that's how we created this full-fledged program, because I said, oh, I need to coach the faith leaders on how to respond to their parishioners.

00:13:44.710 --> 00:13:45.490
Okay, hold on now.

00:13:45.490 --> 00:13:46.711
Wait Now you.

00:13:46.711 --> 00:13:48.913
My granddaddy would say you're taking me too fast.

00:13:49.113 --> 00:13:51.674
Oh, okay, okay, Now we got to slow this down.

00:13:51.754 --> 00:13:55.657
All right, because you've been living in this and breathing it like oxygen.

00:13:55.657 --> 00:14:08.744
Yes, but for people in the Parent Up community, because our podcast look, we, we, the little podcast that could okay, we got folks all over the world, all over the world.

00:14:08.764 --> 00:14:17.248
We have listeners, that's right, so we got to take them slowly.

00:14:17.248 --> 00:14:47.461
A non getting to church on time, not wearing stockings person is going to tell the leaders in the black church, the good reverend and deaconesses, okay, how to do something in their congregations.

00:14:47.461 --> 00:14:48.864
Now we just got to sit with that.

00:14:48.864 --> 00:14:52.830
You're not supposed to be able to tell them nothing about nothing.

00:14:52.830 --> 00:14:59.938
I don't care what your expertise is, you can't touch their flock.

00:14:59.938 --> 00:15:09.942
All right, and that's why you have in a summit convention, ok, so I'm coming back to that, ok, ok, and y'all?

00:15:09.942 --> 00:15:11.571
I want to go in and stop for this for a second.

00:15:11.591 --> 00:15:13.360
There are people from all over this country.

00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:15.303
I was on my shuttle.

00:15:15.303 --> 00:15:19.552
I was sitting beside a speaker from Los Angeles.

00:15:19.552 --> 00:15:25.866
Now, you can't get much further from Atlanta than Los Angeles.

00:15:25.866 --> 00:15:31.495
Who's coming to this summit convention?

00:15:31.495 --> 00:15:51.996
Summit convention, yes, or the path that got this secret society Real.

00:15:51.996 --> 00:15:57.850
Talk, the African-American level of bishops and ordained people.

00:15:57.850 --> 00:15:59.653
They don't let anybody in.

00:15:59.653 --> 00:16:10.067
You got to have your stripes on how many years you've been in the pulpit before you can even get to the level of you can even be a visiting pastor.

00:16:10.067 --> 00:16:14.384
Yeah, how did you get them to let you do that?

00:16:16.528 --> 00:16:18.812
God can I just say there we go.

00:16:18.893 --> 00:16:20.201
But you know, no, what.

00:16:20.201 --> 00:16:24.019
Everything you're saying is what I felt in the beginning Like what in the world?

00:16:24.019 --> 00:16:24.923
How am I going to do this?

00:16:24.923 --> 00:16:40.244
Who's not intimidated by that senior pastor, the bishop, because you just talked about this society of them we have held all our life and we still I respect them, hold them, have that reverence toward them, whatever they say.

00:16:40.244 --> 00:16:44.370
That's what it is and that's how our parents they kind of followed them.

00:16:44.370 --> 00:16:50.231
So I was intimidated in the beginning, but I know what God laid on my heart.

00:16:50.231 --> 00:17:00.293
So when I showed up at Alliance meetings you can see it in my voice I was intimidated and nobody was listening to me.

00:17:00.793 --> 00:17:07.440
But the thing is me.

00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.628
But the thing is he put key people in these meetings, key leaders that did hear me, hear me mumble, and one Pastor, jakes.

00:17:10.628 --> 00:17:11.191
He came to me.

00:17:11.191 --> 00:17:23.925
He said now, everybody not going to hear you, they're not going to follow you, but they're going to have prophets out here that's going to see what you're trying to do and they're going to jump on and they're going to join this movement.

00:17:23.925 --> 00:17:25.587
And I was like what he said?

00:17:25.587 --> 00:17:29.613
So don't worry about those that don't open up their door, that don't respond to you.

00:17:29.613 --> 00:17:30.653
He said that's all right.

00:17:30.994 --> 00:17:40.742
They're going to come, but there's people like me that are ready to do this work and I was like, oh OK, so that's one pastor.

00:17:40.782 --> 00:17:44.365
And then once I looked at it like that and I wasn't expecting.

00:17:44.365 --> 00:17:51.509
I knew it was going to be the ones that God wanted me to work with, that's the ones that he was going to let hear me.

00:17:51.509 --> 00:17:59.795
And then my confidence built up, and then, of course, you know, they're going to tell their pastor friends about me and this and that.

00:17:59.795 --> 00:18:03.156
And here we are here.

00:18:03.196 --> 00:18:09.705
We are here we are here, we are here, we are here, we are, here, we are.

00:18:09.705 --> 00:18:15.493
So the altar program had its first gathering in 2019.

00:18:15.493 --> 00:18:16.134
Is that correct?

00:18:17.195 --> 00:18:30.946
No, our first summit convention was last year, okay, but we in 2019 is when we put the concept together to create a full program and we sign, and what we do is part of this program.

00:18:30.946 --> 00:18:40.662
We sign and we partner with churches or alliances, conferences, districts, whatever denomination you're going by, you know what you have, right, we?

00:18:40.662 --> 00:18:45.125
We partner with them and now we provide a framework and that's the coaching.

00:18:45.125 --> 00:18:57.928
Now we're coaching the faith leaders, the ministry leaders, how to better support their caregivers, their parishioners they're sitting right there in the pews and the chairs, so we're training them over the two years.

00:18:57.928 --> 00:19:23.410
So January 2020 is when we actually signed our first church, which was my church, of course and then it spread throughout that and five years later, we were in 23 states, 112 faith community partners individual, some are alliances, some of the districts, whatever it is 14 Christian denominations and we're looking to expand.

00:19:23.430 --> 00:19:28.567
The thing is, I want to go wherever black people go to worship.

00:19:28.567 --> 00:19:35.803
I want to make sure that I am bringing resources, because you talked about this current climate.

00:19:35.803 --> 00:19:37.747
Y'all we need.

00:19:37.747 --> 00:19:39.771
We cannot.

00:19:39.771 --> 00:19:41.015
We need us.

00:19:41.015 --> 00:19:43.079
We cannot wait on others.

00:19:43.079 --> 00:19:44.922
We've been doing that for years.

00:19:44.922 --> 00:19:52.231
We've been waiting on others to create solutions for us for years, decades, decades.

00:19:52.231 --> 00:19:53.233
Yeah, right, yeah, you're right.

00:19:53.233 --> 00:19:57.767
Decades Take out, years, decades, and so we have to stop.

00:19:57.767 --> 00:19:59.332
Absolutely we have to stop.

00:19:59.332 --> 00:20:06.451
And so I really think I know everybody may not be religious, but so many people still.

00:20:06.451 --> 00:20:09.941
Even though I don't go to, I still pay attention.

00:20:09.941 --> 00:20:11.971
If I need help, I know where to go.

00:20:11.971 --> 00:20:19.868
Absolutely, and I want to make sure that our faith communities across the country, internationally, up in the Ghana, have what they need.

00:20:19.868 --> 00:20:33.326
So when that family member comes to that pastor and say what I'm going through, that pastor now knows how to respond and that family can walk away with something to help them on their journey.

00:20:33.645 --> 00:20:34.607
Oh, you're giving me chills.

00:20:34.607 --> 00:20:36.638
I did go to the.

00:20:36.638 --> 00:20:41.588
I saw your stuff on the internet webs and I saw the Alter Ghana person.

00:20:41.588 --> 00:20:45.806
Why you keep trying to call this not a summit convention.

00:20:45.806 --> 00:20:49.694
Now, who else, who hired ain't a convention and we got us an international member.

00:20:49.694 --> 00:20:50.237
But I'm gonna let you.

00:20:50.237 --> 00:20:50.759
I'm trying.

00:20:50.759 --> 00:20:55.984
I'm trying to bring you slow, we're trying to bring you slow into the vision I see for what we already are.

00:20:57.567 --> 00:21:10.396
Give us a bit of a idea on what the training looks like for someone who may want to contact you to say, hey, I, this sounds great.

00:21:10.396 --> 00:21:12.101
I live somewhere.

00:21:12.101 --> 00:21:13.605
I don't think my church has it.

00:21:13.605 --> 00:21:15.818
I don't think my faith community has it.

00:21:15.818 --> 00:21:20.035
Maybe I'm non-denominational, maybe I don't go to church at all.

00:21:20.035 --> 00:21:36.914
However, I would love to be trained, or to have a non-medical point of view first, right, I would love to get this from a non-hospital setting, right?

00:21:36.914 --> 00:21:39.441
So, cause, I could see that also being interesting.

00:21:39.441 --> 00:21:41.586
So what does it look like?

00:21:41.586 --> 00:21:52.363
Uh, I know you're a nurse, but if they're getting it from their pastor, it's, it's gonna feel different, even though you gave it to the pastor with a whole lot of schooling.

00:21:52.363 --> 00:21:55.368
So how long?

00:21:55.368 --> 00:21:57.556
That's?

00:21:57.556 --> 00:22:07.451
My first question is how long is the training, and how can someone say hey, I want to try to make my community be a part of the altar program.

00:22:07.694 --> 00:22:10.304
Yeah, and so how long is the training?

00:22:10.304 --> 00:22:12.763
I would say our initial partnership is for two years.

00:22:12.763 --> 00:22:30.843
Ok, because, and when we're working with a church, they identify someone in the church and we have a framework where they go to a dementia-friendly workshop that we put on and then we teach them how to do a timeline, a roadmap on how to do things, so they're assigned a staff person, a volunteer.

00:22:30.843 --> 00:22:46.742
I have a number of volunteers and they help them create these programs and we do quarterly forums online that they will come in and just learn, because it's all about also pouring into them as well, because they're pouring into our caregivers.

00:22:46.742 --> 00:22:52.748
So I need to make sure I pour into them professionally with more resources and more education.

00:22:53.255 --> 00:22:56.403
So that's a roundabout answer to your question, because it's not like.

00:22:56.403 --> 00:22:57.567
Oh, it's a two-week training.

00:22:57.567 --> 00:23:00.104
No, it's ongoing for these two years.

00:23:00.855 --> 00:23:01.577
Hey, what's up?

00:23:01.577 --> 00:23:02.961
Parented Up family.

00:23:02.961 --> 00:23:03.785
Guess what.

00:23:03.785 --> 00:23:06.744
Have you ever wanted to connect with other caregivers?

00:23:06.744 --> 00:23:09.903
You want to see more behind-the-scenes footage?

00:23:09.903 --> 00:23:12.182
Want to know what me and Zeddy are doing?

00:23:12.182 --> 00:23:15.103
I know you do All things.

00:23:15.103 --> 00:23:21.538
Jsmiles are finally ready for you, even when I go live.

00:23:21.538 --> 00:23:27.242
Do it now with us on Patreon.

00:23:27.242 --> 00:23:30.461
Join us in the Patreon community.

00:23:30.461 --> 00:23:33.056
Catch everything we're doing.

00:23:33.056 --> 00:23:36.039
Visit Patreoncom forward.

00:23:36.039 --> 00:23:42.509
Slash JSmilesStudios with an S, thank you.

00:23:42.509 --> 00:23:53.626
I'm happy that it's not two weeks Because, as a family caregiver I think I shared with you I in year 13, with my mother.

00:23:53.626 --> 00:23:55.249
She has Alzheimer's.

00:23:55.249 --> 00:23:56.711
We live together.

00:23:56.711 --> 00:24:03.227
I used to say she lives with me, doc, but my close friends have said uh-uh, girl, you know the way you were raised.

00:24:03.227 --> 00:24:07.045
If your mama is you and your mama under the same roof, it's her house.

00:24:07.045 --> 00:24:08.922
It don't matter who paid for it.

00:24:09.796 --> 00:24:10.840
That is your mama's house.

00:24:10.840 --> 00:24:11.696
I said you know what?

00:24:11.696 --> 00:24:16.346
Show you right, that's probably what she would say if she had enough cognitive abilities.

00:24:16.346 --> 00:24:29.250
So I live with my mama and her father had dementia and I was a part of the family village in caring for him.

00:24:29.250 --> 00:24:34.718
So I had seven years of being, but I, you know, I was second tier.

00:24:34.718 --> 00:24:42.363
My mom and her siblings had first roles and responsibilities and I was on second tier.

00:24:42.363 --> 00:24:58.133
But with my mom is really just me, because I'm an only child and it is so awesome to hear a commitment of two years by the power structure of.

00:24:58.875 --> 00:25:05.249
So for you, you're letting a church or a faith community know hey, we're not playing around.

00:25:05.249 --> 00:25:08.424
So if you want to do this, you're going to get some.

00:25:08.424 --> 00:25:12.195
You're going to get training because people are going to come in and out Some.

00:25:12.195 --> 00:25:12.832
You might lose some folks.

00:25:12.832 --> 00:25:13.663
You're going to get training because people are going to come in and out.

00:25:13.663 --> 00:25:13.837
You might lose some folks.

00:25:13.837 --> 00:25:14.324
You're going to gain some folks.

00:25:14.324 --> 00:25:22.681
But it's a marathon, because caregiving is a marathon, because dementia is a marathon and you can't get enough training in those two weeks?

00:25:22.701 --> 00:25:24.385
No, you can't, and we're there.

00:25:24.385 --> 00:25:28.503
So over those two years, after those two years, it's okay.

00:25:28.503 --> 00:25:29.467
Do we want to continue?

00:25:29.467 --> 00:25:33.987
Yeah, because now you can become a legacy partner and continue to work with us.

00:25:33.987 --> 00:25:37.942
So it is so true, this just not, it's not overnight.

00:25:37.942 --> 00:25:41.746
And we people say some people like, well, every church should be on board.

00:25:41.746 --> 00:25:46.855
No, every church should not be on board, because we do have an application process.

00:25:46.855 --> 00:25:49.503
We are looking at the readiness of that church.

00:25:49.503 --> 00:25:53.917
We provide, we do provide financial contributions, and so you know how we are.

00:25:54.258 --> 00:26:09.884
Money, Okay, well, I signed, but no, because we want to make sure this money I'm laughing Listen for those who are listening, cause we have a video, we have a watch, you can watch us component and we got a you listen component.

00:26:09.884 --> 00:26:18.645
And for those who are not, who are watching, oh doc said stop, because I am laughing over here, trying to keep it together with the money component and the way I sign.

00:26:18.645 --> 00:26:23.344
So that means this is funded if a church joins.

00:26:23.344 --> 00:26:24.726
Yeah, so we invest in them.

00:26:24.787 --> 00:26:28.480
So it's not just me giving my time and our staff working with you.

00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:32.778
We do a financial investment because we are truly, we are serious.

00:26:32.778 --> 00:26:35.460
So we need that commitment and they have to sign.

00:26:35.460 --> 00:26:44.775
And so I brought this up because many churches they're like, oh okay, I'm going to take that money, but when I say no, you need to sign and commit to me for two years, they back away.

00:26:44.775 --> 00:26:47.104
And I think we need and I'm okay with that.

00:26:47.104 --> 00:26:49.123
At first I was like what's wrong?

00:26:49.123 --> 00:26:50.579
There's nothing wrong.

00:26:50.579 --> 00:26:51.060
They're not ready.

00:26:51.060 --> 00:26:52.045
Wrong, there's nothing wrong.

00:26:52.065 --> 00:26:55.989
They're not ready, they're just not ready, and that is okay, right, because they got certain you know what.

00:26:55.989 --> 00:26:56.211
Watch this.

00:26:56.211 --> 00:26:57.056
Leave them at the altar.

00:26:57.256 --> 00:26:58.318
Leave them at the altar.

00:27:01.965 --> 00:27:03.209
All the puns intended baby.

00:27:05.455 --> 00:27:07.888
So, but it's a process.

00:27:07.888 --> 00:27:13.061
And we want those churches that are ready to go beyond just say I'm doing education once a year.

00:27:13.061 --> 00:27:13.859
We want those that are really committed to supporting those that are ready to go beyond just say I'm doing an education once a year.

00:27:13.859 --> 00:27:21.423
We want those that are really committed to supporting those that are sitting in their pews, those parishioners that are caregivers, those living with dementia.

00:27:21.423 --> 00:27:24.625
They want to do more than just say, hey, I got education for you.

00:27:24.625 --> 00:27:26.801
They want to do support groups.

00:27:26.801 --> 00:27:31.287
They want to talk about bereavement and how that starts before the person passes away.

00:27:31.287 --> 00:27:35.806
They want to make sure that their caregivers are healthy.

00:27:35.806 --> 00:27:36.467
That's right.

00:27:36.467 --> 00:27:42.566
They're concerned about their well-being and you know that's what I had caregivers say when I asked them what you want from your church.

00:27:42.566 --> 00:27:45.709
They wanted them to be concerned about my well-being.

00:27:45.709 --> 00:27:59.290
Yeah, give me resources, be inclusive, don't judge me, because that's where a lot of people stop coming to church because black people judge, and in church they judge, oh so much who you telling, let me tell you.

00:27:59.311 --> 00:27:59.934
Let me tell you something.

00:27:59.934 --> 00:28:03.117
So I'm Catholic and my church.

00:28:03.117 --> 00:28:21.051
For the first maybe three, four or five years, I took mom every Sunday because she was still behaving in a way that was appropriate for sitting in church.

00:28:21.051 --> 00:28:24.305
Because I'm going to tell you y'all got to look her up.

00:28:24.305 --> 00:28:28.185
Her CV is 31 pages and it's online.

00:28:28.185 --> 00:28:39.910
She is everywhere and everybody in the dementia space white, black, asian, latino seriously, she's not getting just black money, you know what I mean.

00:28:39.910 --> 00:28:41.019
She's getting Jew money.

00:28:41.019 --> 00:28:42.480
She's getting everybody money.

00:28:42.836 --> 00:28:53.769
That means she is good and they're giving her money to bring it back to put it in black community.

00:28:53.769 --> 00:28:56.443
Now I'm telling you now don't nobody do that.

00:28:56.443 --> 00:28:57.945
They didn't give it to Oprah.

00:28:58.776 --> 00:28:59.579
They didn't give it to.

00:28:59.579 --> 00:29:02.205
Oprah Listen listen now check me on it.

00:29:02.205 --> 00:29:04.000
I don't need Oprah calling me now.

00:29:04.079 --> 00:29:04.821
I'm saying it.

00:29:04.821 --> 00:29:06.426
This ain't Oprah, I'm saying it.

00:29:06.426 --> 00:29:09.704
They didn't give Oprah the money to put in our community.

00:29:09.704 --> 00:29:12.958
They gave Oprah money, but anyway, that's enough of that.

00:29:13.018 --> 00:29:31.269
Okay so, but with my mom we would go to church, but as the disease progressed and she may have gotten a little more agitated, or maybe we came late because she just didn't get dressed as easily as she used to.

00:29:31.269 --> 00:29:32.391
So what am I supposed to do?

00:29:32.391 --> 00:29:34.804
Do we just miss church all together?

00:29:34.804 --> 00:29:38.961
Because now I'm about to be 15 minutes late, but church is an hour and a half.

00:29:38.961 --> 00:29:41.502
Why don't we just get the other hour and 15 minutes?

00:29:41.734 --> 00:29:45.509
But I need y'all to not be looking at me like I can't believe.

00:29:45.509 --> 00:29:56.260
You late and you walking down the center aisle where my if I don't let her sit in the center where she used to sit, and right there I, if I don't let her sit in the center where she needs to sit, and right there I need y'all to scoot over.

00:29:56.260 --> 00:30:00.744
Y'all know where she said scoot over and scoot over and move, move to another place.

00:30:00.744 --> 00:30:01.705
Y'all know what this is.

00:30:01.705 --> 00:30:06.490
You know what this is and you know if I'm doing it, something must be going on.

00:30:06.490 --> 00:30:08.811
I need you to look at me and I give you the look.

00:30:08.811 --> 00:30:14.038
The look kind of like hey, look kind of like hey, and I shrug my shoulders, move, move.

00:30:14.038 --> 00:30:24.287
If I walked in with a baby, everybody would go, oh, and assume that I had a difficult morning getting my child ready.

00:30:24.287 --> 00:30:28.871
And everybody would go to move in and saying I'll hold a baby and burping them.

00:30:29.270 --> 00:30:32.902
Help me burp my mama Move your ass, and so that's what alter is.

00:30:32.902 --> 00:30:39.176
It is us altering our perception of dementia, altering our attitude toward dementia our caregivers.

00:30:39.196 --> 00:30:40.663
This is me snapping my fingers, okay.

00:30:41.903 --> 00:30:43.036
And that's what altar is.

00:30:43.036 --> 00:30:45.076
So we are playing off the altar of the church.

00:30:45.076 --> 00:30:52.242
Come to the altar, yes, but also let's alter our perception in the black community so we don't be so judgmental.

00:30:52.242 --> 00:30:56.578
We understand and we're like, oh, how can I help?

00:30:56.578 --> 00:31:02.576
Or let me just help, don't even ask how to help, let me just okay, let me do that.

00:31:02.576 --> 00:31:07.614
And that's what we're working toward and that's why we're here this evening.

00:31:07.653 --> 00:31:12.166
We got the power of the pulpit, so we have faith leaders talking about how important it is.

00:31:12.166 --> 00:31:14.683
And then you brought up how people are investing.

00:31:14.683 --> 00:31:22.869
I got to let people know that when you're doing God's work, you've letting him order your steps and you're serving his people.

00:31:22.869 --> 00:31:24.622
He will make provision.

00:31:24.622 --> 00:31:27.505
How many times we've heard that in a sermon?

00:31:27.505 --> 00:31:30.484
And I'm here to say that it actually is true.

00:31:30.855 --> 00:31:35.719
So, as I'm planning this, just in January January someone calls me up, say we have some money to give you.

00:31:35.719 --> 00:31:40.191
I said, oh, okay, what I need to do, what you need from me?

00:31:40.191 --> 00:31:44.383
Yeah, oh, we want you to give blood pressure cuffs to everybody that comes to the summit.

00:31:44.383 --> 00:31:47.417
Oh, I could do that.

00:31:47.417 --> 00:31:48.998
And so here we are.

00:31:48.998 --> 00:32:06.070
We was awarded $40,000 to give every person here at the summit convention See, I'm feeling it A blood pressure cuff and teach them how to truly manage their blood pressure, even caregivers, because it's a risk factor for vascular dementia.

00:32:06.070 --> 00:32:10.395
I didn't seek that out, they sought us out and so I'm sharing that.

00:32:10.395 --> 00:32:16.645
As we're serving and we're doing, we're walking in our purpose and we are truly helping people.

00:32:16.645 --> 00:32:23.023
People are going to see and they're going to want to be part of this and at the same time, we've got to be good stewards.

00:32:24.557 --> 00:32:30.229
Okay, listen if you're not okay, then the world star, okay, is going to be ugly.

00:32:30.315 --> 00:32:32.065
Okay, I'm about to wrap this up for real, oh, for real this time.

00:32:32.085 --> 00:32:33.211
This is for real, for real, oh for real this time.

00:32:33.271 --> 00:32:33.835
This is for real.

00:32:33.835 --> 00:32:39.419
For real because, look, Doc's team is looking at me like you ain't never going to be allowed back and I don't want that to happen.

00:32:39.419 --> 00:32:40.763
It's about to be.

00:32:40.763 --> 00:32:48.115
I'm going to say three things, but you can't give long answers, Doc, Because I'm going to get in trouble, Because I got you.

00:32:48.115 --> 00:32:56.688
Just remember what's the biggest grant you ever got.

00:32:56.688 --> 00:32:58.045
Give me the juicy bits.

00:32:58.045 --> 00:33:00.428
The largest grant you ever got awarded.

00:33:00.428 --> 00:33:02.146
You know you'd be getting the million dollar grants.

00:33:02.146 --> 00:33:04.748
Well, I don't look at the money, I don't care.

00:33:04.748 --> 00:33:05.369
We got to know.

00:33:05.369 --> 00:33:09.387
I know the biggest one I saw, but that don't mean I don't know.

00:33:09.387 --> 00:33:11.846
Okay, I saw one for $4 million.

00:33:11.846 --> 00:33:13.682
So anyway, let's move on.

00:33:13.821 --> 00:33:15.443
Okay, maybe I was working with someone.

00:33:15.564 --> 00:33:17.145
I don't care, I don't care.

00:33:17.145 --> 00:33:19.789
Anyway, moving on to this, you see what I'm saying.

00:33:19.789 --> 00:33:24.715
That is so amazing, she don't even keep up.

00:33:24.715 --> 00:33:27.298
One of them was $4 million.

00:33:27.298 --> 00:33:34.567
I'm not saying she got the $4 million, but she's putting $4 million into the work that she's doing and her name is so tight that they gave her that.

00:33:34.567 --> 00:33:39.090
She works with NIH and WAM.

00:33:39.090 --> 00:33:40.644
You ain't got to look it up.

00:33:40.644 --> 00:33:43.893
But let me just tell you this that's a Kennedy.

00:33:43.893 --> 00:33:45.460
All right, everybody know what that is.

00:33:45.460 --> 00:33:46.865
That's Maria Shriver's thing.

00:33:46.865 --> 00:33:47.607
That's a Kennedy.

00:33:47.607 --> 00:33:49.205
Now, that's another whole situation.

00:33:49.205 --> 00:33:54.008
Okay, also, tell everybody where you went to undergraduate school, please.

00:33:54.368 --> 00:33:55.211
Oh, t-u.

00:33:55.451 --> 00:34:04.948
You know, I know I'm sorry, I just get excited about that, my father also went to Tuskegee oh, my goodness, the Tuskegee Institute at the time.

00:34:04.948 --> 00:34:09.108
He used to always make me say that he is deceased now, but he's the reason why my daddy died.

00:34:09.108 --> 00:34:11.909
Then my mama got Alzheimer's all in 90 days.

00:34:11.909 --> 00:34:13.119
We'll talk about that later.

00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:15.123
So he's kind of the reason why I'm a caregiver.

00:34:15.123 --> 00:34:18.389
I went to Howard but HBCU love, HBCU love.

00:34:18.409 --> 00:34:19.652
like the Southern as well.

00:34:19.652 --> 00:34:20.673
I saw that too.

00:34:20.673 --> 00:34:21.641
Yes, HBCU love.

00:34:21.641 --> 00:34:22.324
Thank you for saying that.

00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:41.657
And I wanted to make sure that got out, to show that the excellence that comes from our universities and then the heart to serve our community, that continues when one comes from those universities, yes, yes.

00:34:41.657 --> 00:34:49.112
And the final thing I want to say is what has you most excited about this year's summit?

00:34:49.132 --> 00:34:50.335
convention, summit convention.

00:34:50.335 --> 00:35:13.487
Well, this year we added a youth caregiving track, because last year we had a couple of youth come on stage and everybody was in tears or their mouth dropped, because so many times we're talking about the black community being overlooked, underserved, but we just group us all together and then when we're caregiving we know they need help but we never think about our youth that are 15, 16, 17.

00:35:13.487 --> 00:35:21.822
That's in your household giving grandma some water, sitting with grandma while you cook, giving grandma some water sitting with grandma while you cook.

00:35:21.822 --> 00:35:25.289
We don't think about them and what it does to their mental and how we often silence them.

00:35:25.289 --> 00:35:27.034
Because they got questions, they want to talk.

00:35:27.034 --> 00:35:28.623
What do we say in the black community?

00:35:28.623 --> 00:35:30.768
Don't ask no questions, just do what I say.

00:35:30.768 --> 00:35:39.045
And so now we're creating this safe space for them so they can learn now truly what this is, what grandma has, what pawpaw has.

00:35:39.045 --> 00:35:47.873
Give them the skills on how to now properly, when you do sit with mama, this is what you should be doing.

00:35:47.873 --> 00:35:52.157
That's right, right and know whatever she tells you, that is not her.

00:35:52.157 --> 00:35:55.001
That is the disease.

00:35:55.021 --> 00:36:00.532
Because we've also heard from our youth how that trauma, because now when grandma they say you ain't worth nothing.

00:36:00.532 --> 00:36:05.545
Imagine what that's doing to our young black men, right, and we didn't think nothing of it.

00:36:05.545 --> 00:36:10.452
And so we're even bringing someone in to talk about youth trauma so the adults can know how to deal with this.

00:36:10.452 --> 00:36:15.550
So we're really highlighting this and we have a contest for the youth so they can express their self.

00:36:15.550 --> 00:36:17.427
They've submitted their entries.

00:36:17.427 --> 00:36:19.869
They've singing songs about caregiving.

00:36:19.869 --> 00:36:25.905
We're letting them know that you can let this out, and so we're really looking forward.

00:36:25.905 --> 00:36:40.534
That'll be Saturday on HBCU Day as well, yay, but we're looking forward to really growing that so we as a community can also know that our youth exists, and they're part of this with caregiving, and we need to get our spirit fed.

00:36:40.534 --> 00:36:42.016
We need exists, and they're part of this with caregiving, and we need to get our spirit fed.

00:36:42.016 --> 00:36:44.505
We need skills and they need them as well.

00:36:44.505 --> 00:36:46.271
So that's what I'm most excited about.

00:36:46.579 --> 00:36:48.105
I'm excited about that for you.

00:36:48.105 --> 00:36:52.960
I know I didn't even realize that I was a part of the care village.

00:36:52.960 --> 00:37:02.554
When I was a teenager, my grandparents would have me taking care of their siblings because everybody was at work.

00:37:02.554 --> 00:37:11.048
Jay, when you get out of blah blah blah in high school, go sit with Uncle Buddy, because the blah blah blah and the nurse ain't getting off.

00:37:11.048 --> 00:37:20.548
So that meant I couldn't go to the pep rally, couldn't go to the game, couldn't go to the moves with my friend, because that day, that night I got to go sit over there and he was paraplegic.

00:37:20.548 --> 00:37:22.192
So you make a great point.

00:37:22.192 --> 00:37:28.170
Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to go or how I felt watching my great uncle just sit there and drool through applesauce.

00:37:28.250 --> 00:37:30.422
Yeah, so we want to support our youth?

00:37:30.422 --> 00:37:32.789
I might make sure, because I said the same thing.

00:37:32.789 --> 00:37:33.351
I didn't even know.

00:37:33.351 --> 00:37:34.902
I was a caregiver and I was what.

00:37:34.902 --> 00:37:45.612
After hearing this young man speak last year, I was like, oh shucks, I've been a caregiver Because every college break I went home I was either with my paternal or my maternal grandmother.

00:37:45.612 --> 00:37:48.789
I was there because I noted my aunt and uncle needed a break.

00:37:50.083 --> 00:37:50.891
And I just did it.

00:37:51.300 --> 00:37:54.708
And I just did it, but I didn't think of myself as a caregiver.

00:37:54.929 --> 00:37:55.329
Look at that.

00:37:55.960 --> 00:38:08.574
And I was like so I know there's many of us out there, we just I want to make sure that our youth, those as under the age of 21, 22, that they know we see them as well, and make sure the churches see them.

00:38:09.681 --> 00:38:10.302
All right, we over.

00:38:10.302 --> 00:38:10.965
Well, that's it.

00:38:10.965 --> 00:38:20.393
They are never going to let me back in here, but I tell you what y'all pray for me that I'm allowed to come back to the Altar Summit Conference next year.

00:38:20.393 --> 00:38:28.213
I want to say thank you on behalf of every black family caregiver.

00:38:28.213 --> 00:38:35.039
I'm not going to say black and brown, I'm just saying black, yeah, okay, because it's a difference, I feel, for the brown people.

00:38:35.039 --> 00:38:38.246
I'm talking about black people that were born in the United States.

00:38:38.246 --> 00:38:47.382
We're under attack, yes, and I want to say thank you for the way you have committed to serve us.

00:38:47.382 --> 00:38:48.706
You're welcome.

00:38:48.706 --> 00:38:56.902
The Snuggle Ups Number one, yo.

00:38:57.905 --> 00:39:05.400
The first thing I want everybody in the Parenting Up community to digest is Dr Faye.

00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:18.981
Ron Epps ignored a little bit what her heart was telling her to do, and then her heart kept telling her to do it Right.

00:39:18.981 --> 00:39:31.072
Like initially she wanted to do something with the faith community and then the faith community or somebody kept telling her you can't do that, you can't do that, you can't do that.

00:39:31.072 --> 00:39:39.786
And the universe brought it back around to her because that's her life's work, to her, because that's her life's work.

00:39:39.786 --> 00:39:44.574
So what is that thing that keeps bubbling up in your spirit?

00:39:44.574 --> 00:39:59.324
It might have to do with the way you give care to your LO, or it might have to do with you need to lose weight or you should change your job or you should get in a different relationship.

00:39:59.324 --> 00:40:02.266
Weight or you should change your job or you should get in a different relationship.

00:40:02.286 --> 00:40:07.150
Here at the Parenting Up podcast, j Smiles is about supporting caregivers.

00:40:07.150 --> 00:40:16.657
And when we give you support, it's not just how you care for your LO, it's how you live your life.

00:40:16.657 --> 00:40:20.184
It's how you live your life.

00:40:20.184 --> 00:40:31.416
And when Dr Faye Ron Epps went on and leaned in yo, she is changing the world, she's changing the landscape and she's happy.

00:40:31.416 --> 00:40:39.548
Did you all hear, did you see how lighthearted she was?

00:40:39.548 --> 00:40:42.202
She don't even realize how damn hard she's working it is.

00:40:42.202 --> 00:40:55.114
I can't believe how much she's doing and she ain't even weary because she's on her right path.

00:40:55.114 --> 00:40:59.639
So I think that's something we got to.

00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:01.753
All you know what I mean.

00:41:01.753 --> 00:41:03.041
Anyway, y'all got it.

00:41:03.443 --> 00:41:31.907
Number two who knew that faith groups, community groups, political organizations, non-profits, for-profits and government organizations were willing to agree on something for black people in the united states in 2000 to 2025?

00:41:31.907 --> 00:41:33.710
Who would have guessed it?

00:41:33.710 --> 00:41:39.143
So we're talking about post trayvon martin up and around george floyd.

00:41:39.143 --> 00:41:40.407
Would you have thought that.

00:41:40.407 --> 00:41:42.746
Would you have believed it?

00:41:42.746 --> 00:41:52.284
I don't know if I would have believed it if I hadn't heard it from the horse's mouth my takeaway, a breath of fresh air.

00:41:52.284 --> 00:42:06.655
There are people out there who will do the right thing if you put a proposal and an option for right in front of them.

00:42:06.655 --> 00:42:08.498
You feel what I'm saying.

00:42:08.498 --> 00:42:23.666
Dr Faron Epps gave all these individuals, institutions and organizations an opportunity to do better and do the right thing, and they chose the light.

00:42:23.666 --> 00:42:33.989
So strong J, dr Ips, strong J, and let's all take the lesson of hell.

00:42:33.989 --> 00:42:38.809
Yeah, let's snuggle up to that Rather than complaining about what ain't going right.

00:42:38.809 --> 00:42:49.840
Where can you give people an opportunity to choose the light?

00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:53.400
Number three Y'all.

00:42:53.521 --> 00:43:07.554
Stop making your kids, your teenagers, sit with the grandmama, the uncle, your sister and not explain to them the gravity of the disease.

00:43:07.554 --> 00:43:09.996
Hey, just go sit over there and watch them.

00:43:09.996 --> 00:43:14.422
You ain't got to do nothing, just keep the door locked.

00:43:14.422 --> 00:43:19.152
That is very traumatic for a young person.

00:43:19.152 --> 00:43:23.400
That is very traumatic for a young person.

00:43:25.500 --> 00:43:27.182
Why is this adult needing to be adult sat?

00:43:27.182 --> 00:43:31.813
I don't know why we call it babysitting they're not babies why they need to be adult sat.

00:43:31.813 --> 00:43:40.175
Why is it that I can't go hang out with my friends, or I got to stop playing my video game to go sit with grandmama.

00:43:40.175 --> 00:43:43.407
And why is grandmama boo-booing on herself?

00:43:43.407 --> 00:43:44.309
You can't?

00:43:44.309 --> 00:43:46.273
Well, I shouldn't say you can't.

00:43:47.701 --> 00:44:21.326
It might not be a good look to avoid the conversation and ask this teenager, young adult, middle schooler, to take on an adult responsibility without giving them adult information or a forum to explain how they feel about either what they had to sacrifice or what they actually saw when they get through adult sitting.

00:44:21.326 --> 00:44:22.588
Do you ask them?

00:44:22.588 --> 00:44:24.612
Were you scared?

00:44:24.612 --> 00:44:28.527
Did you see something that was upsetting?

00:44:28.527 --> 00:44:35.731
Do you say thank you so much because I know you too young to have to do some shit like this?

00:44:35.731 --> 00:44:36.771
Yo, they're just kids.

00:44:36.771 --> 00:44:38.494
Do some shit like this?

00:44:38.494 --> 00:44:40.536
Yo, they're just kids.

00:44:40.539 --> 00:44:45.731
And just because you had to do it or your mama had to do it, don't make it right.

00:44:45.731 --> 00:44:47.382
You remember?

00:44:47.382 --> 00:44:49.322
I'm a comedian, I'm about to go hard in this one.

00:44:49.322 --> 00:45:03.440
I mean, if you were sexually assaulted, you about to put them in a position to get sexually assaulted and say, well, it happened to me, come on, come on, we better than that.

00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:05.384
It's the parenting up community, baby, we do better.

00:45:05.384 --> 00:45:08.208
Thank you for tuning in.

00:45:08.208 --> 00:45:10.070
I mean really, really, really.

00:45:10.070 --> 00:45:25.768
Thank you so very much for tuning in, whether you watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform.

00:45:25.768 --> 00:45:26.952
Either way, wherever you are, subscribe, come back.

00:45:26.952 --> 00:45:28.980
That's the way you're going to know when we do something next.

00:45:28.980 --> 00:45:29.701
Y'all know how it is.

00:45:29.701 --> 00:45:30.583
I'm J Smiles.

00:45:30.583 --> 00:45:33.168
I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.