Aug. 25, 2025

Gas, Guts, and the Golden Sample: A Caregiver Crashout

Gas, Guts, and the Golden Sample: A Caregiver Crashout

Ever wondered how far you'd go to care for someone you love? How much dignity you'd sacrifice? I found my answer on the side of I-20 during Atlanta rush hour. When my mother started talking to people who weren't there, walking into walls, and fidgeting constantly, I suspected a UTI—those sneaky infections that can make dementia symptoms appear dramatically worse. After three grueling weeks of attempting to collect a urine sample from my incontinent mother, we finally succeeded. With my preci...

Ever wondered how far you'd go to care for someone you love? How much dignity you'd sacrifice? I found my answer on the side of I-20 during Atlanta rush hour.

When my mother started talking to people who weren't there, walking into walls, and fidgeting constantly, I suspected a UTI—those sneaky infections that can make dementia symptoms appear dramatically worse. After three grueling weeks of attempting to collect a urine sample from my incontinent mother, we finally succeeded. With my precious cargo secured, I had exactly one hour to reach a lab 45 minutes away.

What followed was nothing short of a caregiver's nightmare. Halfway to the lab, my body betrayed me, forcing an emergency roadside stop that left me sweating, shaking, and utterly humiliated—but still clutching that precious urine sample. You’ll have to listen to the episode for all that went down - listener discretion advised!


This raw, unfiltered story illustrates the invisible battles caregivers fight daily. We sacrifice comfort, dignity, and sometimes even our own health in service of those who depend on us. But in those moments of chaos and desperation, we discover reservoirs of strength we never knew existed.

If you're caring for someone with dementia, remember this: UTIs are the worst. They can cause dramatic behavioral changes that mimic worsening dementia. Before assuming your loved one's condition is deteriorating, check for infection. And never, ever stop advocating—even when it means pulling over on a busy highway or challenging medical professionals who stand in your way.

Subscribe to Parenting Up for more unvarnished truths about the caregiving journey. Because sometimes the messiest stories offer the most valuable lessons.

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00:00 - The Caregiving Crisis Begins

08:54 - Introduction to Parenting Up

13:51 - Highway Emergency Strikes

24:04 - The Roadside Incident

29:51 - Racing Against Time

33:44 - Fighting for Zeddy's Sample

WEBVTT

00:00:00.420 --> 00:00:03.250
My mom is acting really weird.

00:00:03.250 --> 00:00:06.027
She is talking to people who are not there.

00:00:06.027 --> 00:00:11.105
She is walking into the wall and she is fidgeting with her hands.

00:00:11.105 --> 00:00:24.231
Too much Sounds like a UTI, but I can't get medicine until somebody confirms that the urine has bacteria in it.

00:00:24.231 --> 00:00:35.011
All right, holly, if you hear me, who out there has started to let the gas out and felt like, mm-mm, this doesn't feel dry.

00:00:35.011 --> 00:00:39.710
There feels like this is a non-dry component to this gas.

00:00:39.710 --> 00:00:43.048
I put my hands on my hips, just like I'm doing with y'all.

00:00:43.048 --> 00:00:44.881
I looked at him.

00:00:44.881 --> 00:00:46.447
I said I know you f***ing lying.

00:00:46.447 --> 00:00:47.590
He said, excuse me.

00:00:47.590 --> 00:00:49.387
I said I know you f***ing lying.

00:00:49.387 --> 00:00:54.622
What's up?

00:00:54.622 --> 00:00:55.726
Parenting Up family.

00:00:56.121 --> 00:01:07.993
It was a hot day, a hot, muggy-ass day, but it had taken us three long, hard, arduous weeks but finally.

00:01:07.993 --> 00:01:14.670
Finally, the whole team, zeddy, worked together and we got it A urine sample.

00:01:14.670 --> 00:01:18.900
Everybody who is a caregiver knows that is liquid gold.

00:01:18.900 --> 00:01:21.646
Don't give me diamonds, don't give me pearls.

00:01:21.646 --> 00:01:24.751
Don't give me cars, don't give me crypto.

00:01:24.751 --> 00:01:34.653
If you got an LO with dementia who might have a UTI, you got to have a urine sample.

00:01:34.653 --> 00:01:36.155
Finally we got it.

00:01:36.155 --> 00:01:44.469
I had about 60 minutes to get to the lab and we live 45 minutes away.

00:01:44.909 --> 00:01:45.631
What could go wrong?

00:01:45.631 --> 00:01:46.671
Right, I mean shit.

00:01:46.671 --> 00:01:48.254
I've been driving fast.

00:01:48.254 --> 00:01:50.275
I was born driving fast.

00:01:50.275 --> 00:01:54.591
I came out of my mama's vaginal canal fast, right?

00:01:54.591 --> 00:02:01.042
Ok, well, this ain't caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles for nothing.

00:02:01.042 --> 00:02:07.685
Come on, let me, let me, let, let me, let me take you right to the scene of the crime and tell you how this all happened.

00:02:07.685 --> 00:02:11.473
Get ready, get ready, come on, saddle up, get ready.

00:02:11.473 --> 00:02:13.502
Parenting up.

00:02:13.502 --> 00:02:22.325
Caregiving Adventures with Comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.

00:02:22.325 --> 00:02:33.949
For over a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything, with a heartbeat.

00:02:33.949 --> 00:02:37.849
Spoiler alert this shit is heavy.

00:02:37.849 --> 00:02:40.007
That's why I started doing comedy.

00:02:40.007 --> 00:02:42.007
So be ready for the jokes.

00:02:42.819 --> 00:02:52.254
Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver you are in the right place.

00:02:52.254 --> 00:02:55.308
Hi, this is Zeddy.

00:02:55.308 --> 00:03:01.873
I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast, is that okay?

00:03:01.873 --> 00:03:06.628
Today's supporter shout out is from YouTube.

00:03:06.628 --> 00:03:11.912
Chrissy S-SZ7VK.

00:03:11.912 --> 00:03:18.112
Thank you for sharing your insight to help patients, caregivers and loved ones.

00:03:18.112 --> 00:03:19.443
Exclamation point.

00:03:19.443 --> 00:03:20.729
You are welcome.

00:03:20.729 --> 00:03:24.850
It's my pleasure, actually, and very much so my honor.

00:03:24.850 --> 00:03:31.468
If you would like to be the recipient of a supporter shout out, you know what to do Leave a review.

00:03:31.468 --> 00:03:37.686
Youtube, apple Podcasts, ig and, of course, our text community.

00:03:37.686 --> 00:03:51.651
I'm waiting on you you, yeah, I'm waiting on exactly you to tell me how you feel, what you like, what you want to hear, what you prefer to get a little more of Yep Until next time.

00:03:53.055 --> 00:03:58.270
Today's episode Gas Guts and the Golden Sample, a caregiver, crash out.

00:03:58.270 --> 00:04:06.811
Nothing in my caregiver life prepared me for this day.

00:04:06.811 --> 00:04:07.772
I mean nothing.

00:04:07.772 --> 00:04:11.659
I have brought you all to the scene of the crime.

00:04:11.659 --> 00:04:17.994
I really hope everybody is capturing this on Parenting Up video, our YouTube channel.

00:04:17.994 --> 00:04:30.182
But if you're not, and you're still just locked in to the audio because your eardrum is the way you prefer my storytelling, I'm going to tell you right now.

00:04:30.182 --> 00:04:35.372
The scene of the crime is my Jaguar F-Type Roadster.

00:04:35.372 --> 00:04:36.353
Now, that's important.

00:04:36.353 --> 00:04:43.646
I'm not trying to spit that I got a Jaguar F-Type Roadster, but it's important to the point of this story.

00:04:44.468 --> 00:04:53.437
I hop in the car prepared to drive fast, to dart in and out and around traffic, because I only have 15 minutes to spare.

00:04:53.437 --> 00:04:55.482
And it's Atlanta.

00:04:55.482 --> 00:05:04.795
Traffic lives on our streets the same way that an odor lives on feces.

00:05:04.795 --> 00:05:12.670
You understand what I'm saying, like if you've never lived in Atlanta or visited here in various parts of the day, night.

00:05:12.670 --> 00:05:18.406
There is no pattern to our traffic, it just is All right.

00:05:18.406 --> 00:05:22.266
I hop in the car, I'm ready to go fast.

00:05:22.266 --> 00:05:30.444
I got only 15 minutes to maybe spare and I got to take the highway.

00:05:30.444 --> 00:05:36.274
The byways in boulevards and neighborhood streets.

00:05:36.274 --> 00:05:41.026
There's no way to get around it Y'all.

00:05:41.026 --> 00:05:45.663
I'm in the car, I get through my neighborhood, I get on the car.

00:05:45.663 --> 00:05:47.367
I get through my neighborhood, I get on the highway.

00:05:47.367 --> 00:05:54.156
I am on a United States federal interstate known as I-20.

00:05:54.156 --> 00:06:03.237
You can look it up on the Google or however you map.

00:06:03.237 --> 00:06:03.819
Go to Atlas if you want to.

00:06:13.060 --> 00:06:20.588
I feel great, I'm listening to an audio book, I got the top down, I'm ready and then, with zero warning, I'm smacking my fist because that is what happens inside my belly.

00:06:20.588 --> 00:06:53.283
I told y'all it was the afternoon, I had breakfast, I had lunch and no problems, and then, all of a sudden, there was a rumble and a fight inside my stomach, like if anybody remembers when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear and how the fight became another fight within the heavyweight fight, because how do you bite a man's ear in a professional setting, even if it is boxing?

00:06:53.283 --> 00:06:58.494
That's what was happening in my stomach in like literally two seconds.

00:06:58.494 --> 00:07:01.225
I had just got on the interstate.

00:07:01.225 --> 00:07:04.432
I was like, oh, maybe I got gas.

00:07:08.673 --> 00:07:10.879
Got on the interstate I was like, oh, maybe I got gas.

00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:13.062
Okay, I'm going to let the gas out.

00:07:13.062 --> 00:07:22.935
All right, holly, if you hear me, who out there has started to let the gas out and felt like, mm-mm, this doesn't feel dry.

00:07:22.935 --> 00:07:30.545
There feels like this is a non-dry component to this gas.

00:07:30.545 --> 00:07:43.533
Maybe this isn't gas, maybe something else is about to pass out of my body, but I'm in the car and I have my mama's perfectly encapsulated urine sample.

00:07:43.572 --> 00:07:48.482
Yall, let me tell you something, because I was so worried about my 15 minutes of grace period.

00:07:48.482 --> 00:07:57.822
I had already written her name, her birth date and the time that the urine sample was collected.

00:07:57.822 --> 00:08:00.406
I ain't new to this, I am true to this.

00:08:00.406 --> 00:08:02.908
I have my own urine sample cups.

00:08:02.908 --> 00:08:08.156
I have my own baggies and my own little sticky labels.

00:08:08.156 --> 00:08:17.194
Okay, all this because, if you did not know, a urine sample lasts only 24 hours.

00:08:17.194 --> 00:08:18.841
After that it's trash.

00:08:18.841 --> 00:08:21.266
So I gotta get it there.

00:08:23.089 --> 00:08:25.613
I try to let the gas seep out.

00:08:25.613 --> 00:08:39.905
What I feel, y'all, is Like Juicy.

00:08:39.905 --> 00:08:52.251
But OK, I didn't go on myself, but you know how when a person is talking and they got juicy mouth and they just have a little bit of saliva in the corners.

00:08:52.251 --> 00:08:54.205
It's not enough to wipe.

00:08:54.205 --> 00:08:59.206
It's not about the drip out their mouth, but you're like, oh my God, you got juicy mouth.

00:08:59.206 --> 00:09:00.169
Do you know it?

00:09:00.169 --> 00:09:03.428
Will you please wipe your mouth before you keep talking?

00:09:03.428 --> 00:09:16.961
I felt like that was happening in my pants, but I'm on I-20 and I'm in a roadster, so I don't know if y'all drive roadsters or if anybody you know drives a little sports car.

00:09:17.543 --> 00:09:39.326
Soon as you get on the highway, everybody wants to challenge you Mopeds, little grandmamas in Toyota, camrys, the 18 wheelers, definitely a Ferrari or a Corvette, everybody like they come up to you, slow down, get right beside you and I'm like I don't have time for this.

00:09:39.326 --> 00:09:49.919
Something's happening in my belly and I look up and I'm like, oh my God, ok, there's an exit, there's an exit, I can get off at the next exit.

00:09:49.919 --> 00:10:15.255
The next exit says a quarter mile and then a sharp knife goes through my belly button down to my pelvic area, and I feel a pain that makes me audible and I go, ah, oh my God, I don't know if I'm gonna make it, because this is a route that I normally take.

00:10:15.255 --> 00:10:23.024
I'm looking at the exit, y'all, and I'm like, oh shit, okay, wait, okay.

00:10:23.024 --> 00:10:25.931
Okay, for anybody who knows Atlanta, the exit is near North side.

00:10:25.931 --> 00:10:28.134
Okay, it's Whitehall street.

00:10:28.134 --> 00:10:36.264
So I'm looking, I'm like, okay, if I go, if I go left or go right, is there somewhere I can go to the bathroom within one block?

00:10:36.264 --> 00:10:41.474
I'm trying to work through in my mind and I'm like, oh hell, wait, okay.

00:10:41.474 --> 00:10:46.692
So there's, there is a, uh, there's a pack sack, old school shout out.

00:10:46.692 --> 00:10:49.105
And then there's there's a gas station.

00:10:49.105 --> 00:10:51.971
But they are both two or three blocks away.

00:10:51.971 --> 00:11:00.855
And then as I go to get into the right lane, y'all, my body tells me.

00:11:00.855 --> 00:11:21.311
Body tells me, heffa, if you think you got a quarter mile to get off this interstate and try to stop at a stoplight or a stop sign and then drive the car to a business, get out the car, go in a bathroom.

00:11:21.311 --> 00:11:23.595
You done lost your monkey ass mind.

00:11:23.595 --> 00:11:29.562
Go in a bathroom.

00:11:29.562 --> 00:11:30.865
You done lost your monkey ass mind.

00:11:30.865 --> 00:11:32.308
My body said pull over right now.

00:11:32.308 --> 00:11:32.529
Y'all I am.

00:11:32.549 --> 00:11:36.279
It is the middle of the day, it is it's what they call five o'clock traffic in Atlanta.

00:11:36.279 --> 00:11:48.784
I start sweating bullets, like either I'm lying on the stand, my mama caught me sleeping with my cousin, this kind of sweating.

00:11:48.784 --> 00:11:49.648
You feel what I'm saying.

00:11:49.648 --> 00:11:52.287
I'm like, oh shit, I got to pull over.

00:11:52.287 --> 00:11:54.664
I got to pull over.

00:11:54.664 --> 00:11:58.148
I pull my car over fast.

00:11:58.148 --> 00:12:06.192
Everybody's blowing, they throwing the finger up at me because I don't put on a signal.

00:12:06.192 --> 00:12:08.265
I don't have time for it.

00:12:08.265 --> 00:12:09.249
I just got to get over.

00:12:11.861 --> 00:12:22.750
I jump out the driver's seat, run around the back of the car that you see me sitting in right now, get to the passenger side, open up the door.

00:12:22.750 --> 00:12:30.783
I'm like, oh man, oh man, I got to throw up.

00:12:30.783 --> 00:12:34.211
So I open up the door.

00:12:34.211 --> 00:12:36.744
I assume the position.

00:12:36.744 --> 00:12:39.312
Anybody who's had a little too much to drink understands.

00:12:39.312 --> 00:12:41.679
You open up your knees really wide.

00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:48.395
You get your ankles out the way, your knees really wide.

00:12:48.395 --> 00:12:52.865
You get your ankles out the way as soon as I put my head between my knees.

00:12:52.865 --> 00:12:58.638
Uh-oh, it's not going to come out of my mouth.

00:12:58.638 --> 00:13:07.053
What is hurting my body does not want to come out of my mouth.

00:13:07.053 --> 00:13:10.219
I'm sorry, did y'all hear me?

00:13:10.219 --> 00:13:11.660
Did you hear me?

00:13:11.660 --> 00:13:13.312
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

00:13:16.046 --> 00:13:20.553
It's after 4 pm on i-20 in atlanta.

00:13:20.553 --> 00:13:26.750
I'm about a quarter of a mile, half a mile, to where interstate 75, 85 hits 20, like.

00:13:26.750 --> 00:13:37.010
I don't know if there's a busier interstate conundrum going on in the whole united states like oh, oh, so yeah, and I'm in a two-seater.

00:13:37.010 --> 00:13:41.155
I know everybody's like, oh, jay, like uh-oh, so yeah, and I'm in a two-seater.

00:13:41.155 --> 00:13:44.178
I know everybody's like, oh, jay, just open up the back door.

00:13:44.178 --> 00:14:01.105
You know, girl, I know you say you from the south, open up the rear door and the front door and copper squat in between those doors as a barrier.

00:14:01.105 --> 00:14:20.730
What do you do when you in a two seater and you ain't got but two doors total, okay, and all the traffic is coming from behind, yeah, so, yep, yep, I actually, I ain, yep, I actually.

00:14:20.730 --> 00:14:21.312
I have a choice.

00:14:21.312 --> 00:14:22.274
That's what I want to say.

00:14:22.274 --> 00:14:23.456
I have a choice.

00:14:31.732 --> 00:14:34.205
My pants were to my ankles in what you call a hot second.

00:14:34.205 --> 00:14:39.008
I did choose to not face the traffic because I want to see nobody looking at me.

00:14:39.008 --> 00:14:40.009
I'm a real lady.

00:14:40.009 --> 00:14:51.061
So I did move all of my pants and I bunched them up in my hand and grabbed them as far forward of my face as I could.

00:14:51.061 --> 00:14:57.927
I had a briefcase and I put the briefcase over my butt.

00:14:57.927 --> 00:15:23.236
Now, while the briefcase might have been covering the crack of my you know what Wahoo ass, it could not cover what came out Faster than you can say what you talking about, willis, or how the hell did Puffy get off?

00:15:23.236 --> 00:15:25.813
Faster than you can say any of that.

00:15:29.260 --> 00:15:45.700
I deposited a banana curry colored mud pie, right, I mean about the size of a medium pizza.

00:15:45.700 --> 00:15:46.384
You know what I mean.

00:15:46.384 --> 00:15:50.369
Y'all know I go big, right, you go big, or go home.

00:15:50.369 --> 00:15:54.431
It just, and it was one fell swoop.

00:15:54.431 --> 00:16:03.113
There was no grunting, there was no strain and it was a clean drop.

00:16:03.113 --> 00:16:04.870
I want y'all to know it was a clean drop.

00:16:04.870 --> 00:16:07.788
There was nothing I didn't need to wipe.

00:16:07.788 --> 00:16:18.998
Yeah, my entire 15-minute grace period has now been used up.

00:16:18.998 --> 00:16:41.106
I'm only seven minutes from home, but I've used up the entire 15 minute grace period and now my stomach and esophagus and intestines are cramping and intestines are cramping hard.

00:16:41.126 --> 00:16:41.326
Y'all.

00:16:41.326 --> 00:16:49.547
I am white-knuckling, bear-hugging like, intimately kissing my steering wheel, like you know.

00:16:49.547 --> 00:16:50.831
Forget 10 and 2.

00:16:50.831 --> 00:16:53.431
I am 12 and 12.

00:16:53.431 --> 00:16:54.634
I'm 6 and 6.

00:16:54.634 --> 00:16:55.437
I'm 3 and 3.

00:16:55.437 --> 00:17:03.011
All my arms are locked over everything and I'm barely looking over the steering wheel trying to drive.

00:17:03.011 --> 00:17:04.976
I can no longer drive fast.

00:17:04.976 --> 00:17:09.433
So the J smiles, you know, maybe the 80, 90 miles an hour.

00:17:09.433 --> 00:17:15.028
I am now the little old lady that everybody's blowing at Like why won't you drive faster, lady?

00:17:15.028 --> 00:17:22.980
And how dare you be in a Jaguar F-Type with the top down going 40.

00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:25.353
That's as fast as I can drive.

00:17:26.145 --> 00:17:38.635
Because my body was shaking, because whatever was happening to me, my body was like I know you're not still driving, but y'all the liquid gold has to get to the test lab.

00:17:38.635 --> 00:17:44.484
I called my executive assistant and I was like yo, you're not going to believe what just happened.

00:17:44.484 --> 00:17:50.958
Can you meet me at the next exit and get the urine to take it to the lab?

00:17:50.958 --> 00:17:58.397
For me it was going to take her as long to get to me in Atlanta traffic as it would take me to get to the lab.

00:17:58.397 --> 00:18:04.298
So this is me, white knuckling, breathing deep.

00:18:04.298 --> 00:18:08.395
I had to turn the radio off, had to turn my phone off.

00:18:08.395 --> 00:18:29.900
I put the air conditioner on and I was like Lord, this is me and you Please don't let me need to stop anymore, because I don't even really care about what I might expel from my mouth or my bottom, but I don't have any more time to waste, because that is.

00:18:29.900 --> 00:18:32.230
This urine has to be collected.

00:18:32.230 --> 00:18:39.105
We've already been trying to figure out if she has a UTI, because she's starting to hallucinate and walk into the wall and we got to figure out if she has a UTI because she's starting to hallucinate and walk into the wall.

00:18:39.105 --> 00:18:43.214
And we got to figure out is this the disease or is it a UTI?

00:18:43.214 --> 00:18:44.938
It took three weeks to get this.

00:18:46.429 --> 00:18:55.271
First of all, my caregivers might quit if I tell them oh, you know what, the sample expired because I had diarrhea.

00:18:55.271 --> 00:18:57.115
They're gonna be like, of all, we don't even believe you.

00:18:57.115 --> 00:18:58.077
You exaggerate.

00:18:58.077 --> 00:19:06.019
So I call the lab and I say I'm running a little behind Traffic.

00:19:06.019 --> 00:19:08.550
I don't tell them the truth.

00:19:08.550 --> 00:19:11.875
Hey, y'all, traffic is really bad.

00:19:11.875 --> 00:19:14.934
I might be about 15, 20 minutes behind.

00:19:14.934 --> 00:19:16.670
Can you please wait?

00:19:16.670 --> 00:19:17.693
I have this urine.

00:19:17.693 --> 00:19:21.046
I got to get you this sample.

00:19:21.046 --> 00:19:22.006
They say, cool, no problem.

00:19:22.006 --> 00:19:37.153
So then I rock and sway and moan for the next 42 minutes trying to get to the lab.

00:19:40.653 --> 00:19:49.718
I get to the lab for Zeddy's urine about 12 minutes after they close.

00:19:49.718 --> 00:19:56.401
But remember, I called them and they said oh, oh, oh, it's fine, jay, keep coming, you can.

00:19:56.401 --> 00:19:57.201
You can bring it.

00:19:57.201 --> 00:19:59.022
We'll stay here, we'll wait on you.

00:19:59.022 --> 00:20:00.282
We understand the traffic.

00:20:00.282 --> 00:20:05.766
Bet, I walk in like this y'all.

00:20:05.786 --> 00:20:17.675
And for anybody who is listening, I am doubled over, holding my abdomen, and I have the bag with the urine specimen in it, with the urine specimen in it, almost like it's.

00:20:17.675 --> 00:20:21.460
I'm waving the white flag.

00:20:21.460 --> 00:20:23.842
You know how the people in the war movies.

00:20:23.842 --> 00:20:34.215
I'm walking in like this and they say, oh oh, we forgot you were bringing urine.

00:20:34.215 --> 00:20:38.951
We thought you were bringing back her medical records.

00:20:38.951 --> 00:20:41.479
Are you kidding me?

00:20:41.479 --> 00:20:49.394
The lady tells me the lab tech left five minutes ago.

00:20:49.394 --> 00:20:53.740
There's nobody here to test your mom's urine.

00:20:53.740 --> 00:20:56.748
We just waited for you.

00:20:56.748 --> 00:20:59.971
Ma'am, for what?

00:20:59.971 --> 00:21:02.375
Why did you wait for me?

00:21:02.375 --> 00:21:07.421
Why, if you can't test her urine, you are useless.

00:21:09.027 --> 00:21:17.093
I slammed the urine on the table Slam is strong because I didn't want anything to happen to it and I said I got to go to your bathroom.

00:21:17.093 --> 00:21:18.436
Real bad, I was holding it.

00:21:18.436 --> 00:21:21.972
I blow up their toilet.

00:21:21.972 --> 00:21:34.750
Anybody who has come in there in the last two months after me still feels the remnants of what I did.

00:21:34.750 --> 00:21:38.846
It was awful and I thought I was going to have to let some more come out the top, out my mouth, but it didn't happen.

00:21:38.846 --> 00:21:41.692
I cleaned myself up.

00:21:41.692 --> 00:21:42.473
I walk out.

00:21:42.473 --> 00:21:47.117
I'm sweating, like hair has turned into a full Afro.

00:21:47.117 --> 00:21:47.590
There are no more curlicues.

00:21:47.590 --> 00:21:48.267
I get to the desk I'm sweating, like hair has turned into a full afro.

00:21:48.267 --> 00:21:49.631
There are no more curlicues.

00:21:49.631 --> 00:21:54.194
I get to the desk I'm like, hey, I got this urine.

00:21:54.194 --> 00:21:57.290
I'm shaking the bag I got this urine.

00:21:57.290 --> 00:22:00.733
It took us three weeks to get this sample.

00:22:01.665 --> 00:22:05.785
The urine has the odor, the smell, the cloudiness.

00:22:05.785 --> 00:22:09.075
My mom is acting really weird.

00:22:09.075 --> 00:22:11.852
She is talking to people who are not there.

00:22:11.852 --> 00:22:16.931
She is walking into the wall and she is fidgeting with her hands.

00:22:16.931 --> 00:22:30.076
Too much Sounds like a UTI, but I can't get medicine until somebody confirms that the urine has bacteria in it.

00:22:30.076 --> 00:22:35.632
We're so sorry, but the laptop is gone.

00:22:36.644 --> 00:22:41.257
Y'all I start scratching my head and I'm looking at them with some Birdman.

00:22:41.257 --> 00:22:42.664
Are we done or are we finished?

00:22:42.664 --> 00:22:49.866
I'm feeling like Denzel Washington and John Q, like I need you to give my kid this kidney.

00:22:49.866 --> 00:22:54.163
I'm about to shoot myself so you can take my kidney, my heart, whatever it is.

00:22:54.163 --> 00:22:55.446
You don't understand.

00:22:56.830 --> 00:22:58.935
We can't get no more urine from Zeddy.

00:22:58.935 --> 00:23:01.082
You know what I mean.

00:23:01.082 --> 00:23:05.049
Like I don't know if y'all have ever had to get urine from somebody, but this is the problem.

00:23:05.049 --> 00:23:08.416
Zeddy's incontinent.

00:23:08.416 --> 00:23:13.232
Most of the time her urine goes into the adult brief.

00:23:13.232 --> 00:23:14.895
It's just right there in the cotton.

00:23:14.895 --> 00:23:21.631
Do you know how hard it is to time when somebody that is incontinent, can get to the toilet.

00:23:21.631 --> 00:23:27.477
Oh, and I'm sorry, not have any BM, only urine.

00:23:27.477 --> 00:23:31.140
It's a lot, it's a whole lot.

00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:38.455
Oh, and not to mention, you're supposed to very carefully wipe them right before you get the specimen.

00:23:38.455 --> 00:23:41.566
So it's a clean vaginal area.

00:23:41.566 --> 00:23:43.709
You know what I got your clean vaginal area.

00:23:43.709 --> 00:23:45.630
I got your clean vaginal area.

00:23:45.630 --> 00:23:47.172
I digress, let me get back on point.

00:23:48.173 --> 00:23:56.382
I say listen, do you know of any other lab or anybody anywhere in the whole Atlanta?

00:23:56.382 --> 00:24:06.480
Because I can't take this home.

00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:09.726
My caregivers might quit the five of us.

00:24:09.726 --> 00:24:12.611
There are five of us in one city and the five of us took three weeks to get this damn thing.

00:24:12.611 --> 00:24:22.996
And one little lady says well, we have a sister lab but it closes in about 10 minutes and that's the last lab that we know of.

00:24:22.996 --> 00:24:30.157
That could really give you the response that you need in terms of testing for all the things that would be in your mom's urine.

00:24:30.157 --> 00:24:32.148
It closed in 10 minutes.

00:24:33.653 --> 00:24:34.795
Why the hell do you tell me that?

00:24:34.795 --> 00:24:40.836
When I walked in, ok, that's on my inside, I said OK, cool, can you give me that address?

00:24:40.836 --> 00:24:42.247
They give me the address.

00:24:42.247 --> 00:24:45.693
You mind calling them and telling them?

00:24:45.693 --> 00:24:48.665
I'm on the way, just in case I'm getting there like eight minutes.

00:24:48.665 --> 00:24:53.778
I kid y'all not, they look me straight in the face.

00:24:53.778 --> 00:25:02.489
Oh, jay, so we don't have their number.

00:25:02.489 --> 00:25:04.692
Like our phones don't connect.

00:25:04.692 --> 00:25:11.941
We we're sister properties but we're not connected with our equipment.

00:25:13.145 --> 00:25:19.856
I know what Lady, who, how come you can't call him?

00:25:19.856 --> 00:25:21.240
Where's your cell phone?

00:25:21.240 --> 00:25:23.912
Where is the regular number that's on the Internet?

00:25:23.912 --> 00:25:25.636
Just call him like a regular person.

00:25:25.636 --> 00:25:27.932
Help me out, I'm in distress.

00:25:27.932 --> 00:25:29.988
You see what's going on.

00:25:29.988 --> 00:25:32.073
You smell what's coming out of your toilet.

00:25:32.073 --> 00:25:33.978
Really, do we have to say it?

00:25:33.978 --> 00:25:37.049
Anyway, I leave them, I scurry.

00:25:38.613 --> 00:25:43.099
I get there with two minutes left in the day, closing, 10 minutes.

00:25:43.099 --> 00:25:46.148
I run up the steps.

00:25:46.148 --> 00:25:50.038
I'm scared that the elevator won't get me to the fourth floor.

00:25:50.038 --> 00:25:53.309
I run up the steps, I get in.

00:25:53.309 --> 00:25:55.032
You're supposed to sign in.

00:25:55.032 --> 00:25:55.554
I don't.

00:25:55.554 --> 00:26:18.538
I'm like I cannot wait to sign in the time that it takes me to get a pen and sign the paper and push the paper in front of the little lady who ain't even at her desk because it's close to closing and she's already going to do her little hand sanitation and put her fucking outside shoes on y'all know how the people do in the medical places and leave.

00:26:18.538 --> 00:26:23.568
So I go right to the test desk.

00:26:23.568 --> 00:26:30.858
Brother man comes back hey, ma'am, baby, girl, baby, we already closed.

00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:52.298
Sir, y'all, I've been over elbow on the counter hand on my forehead, barely able to talk to him, forehead, barely able to talk to him.

00:26:52.298 --> 00:26:58.069
I'm like okay, I understand, but I'm in here, I don't need you to see me, I'm just dropping off a specimen.

00:26:58.069 --> 00:26:59.537
I don't want to be seen, I don't need to talk to nobody.

00:26:59.537 --> 00:27:00.741
He said, okay, cause I was about to say.

00:27:00.741 --> 00:27:04.472
I was about to say if you need to see, I was like there's time you talking to me right now.

00:27:04.993 --> 00:27:09.647
We could have been halfway through Said I have a urine, oh no, no urine.

00:27:09.647 --> 00:27:12.094
I thought oh no, I didn't know you had a urine sample.

00:27:12.094 --> 00:27:13.155
Okay, listen.

00:27:13.155 --> 00:27:22.231
So with the urine we have to have refrigeration and we don't have no refrigeration and I'm not gonna be able to take that and I don't even have an order for you.

00:27:22.231 --> 00:27:24.978
I said the order's already in the system.

00:27:24.978 --> 00:27:35.059
The order came from your sister group that couldn't call you because y'all don't have people that talk to each other on the telephone, which I don't understand.

00:27:35.125 --> 00:27:36.150
But don't let me start that.

00:27:36.150 --> 00:27:41.013
He said I can't take the urine.

00:27:41.013 --> 00:27:44.492
I put my hands on my hips, just like I'm doing with y'all.

00:27:44.492 --> 00:27:46.237
I looked at him.

00:27:46.237 --> 00:27:47.492
I said I know you fucking lying.

00:27:47.492 --> 00:27:47.836
He said at him.

00:27:47.836 --> 00:27:48.500
I said I know you fucking lying.

00:27:48.500 --> 00:27:48.984
He said excuse me.

00:27:48.984 --> 00:27:50.751
I said I know you fucking lying.

00:27:50.751 --> 00:27:57.631
You don't want to know what it took for me to get this urine to you, hands on my hips.

00:27:57.631 --> 00:28:02.135
I said baby, somebody in here is taking this urine.

00:28:02.135 --> 00:28:04.791
It took me three weeks.

00:28:04.791 --> 00:28:07.085
So I go back through and tell him the whole story.

00:28:07.085 --> 00:28:07.613
It took me three weeks.

00:28:07.613 --> 00:28:08.324
So I go back through and tell him the whole story.

00:28:08.324 --> 00:28:08.449
It took me three weeks.

00:28:08.449 --> 00:28:11.605
By this time I'm starting to shake Y'all.

00:28:11.605 --> 00:28:15.155
I'm holding my hand up with this baggie of my mama's urine.

00:28:15.155 --> 00:28:21.646
I'm starting to shake because I can't tell if I'm about to drop my second banana.

00:28:21.666 --> 00:28:22.932
Yellow curry mud pie.

00:28:22.932 --> 00:28:24.785
It is tricky, right.

00:28:24.785 --> 00:28:33.030
And this dude tells me ma'amam, I'm so sorry, it doesn't really matter, I can't take the urine because I don't have any refrigeration.

00:28:33.030 --> 00:28:37.405
I really get weepy, I mean real weepy.

00:28:37.405 --> 00:28:42.655
Well, you know voice trembling and I'm like I rushed over here.

00:28:42.655 --> 00:28:45.087
I went to the other place, I came through traffic.

00:28:45.087 --> 00:28:46.592
I didn't tell him about the mud pie.

00:28:55.125 --> 00:28:56.568
The order is in.

00:28:56.568 --> 00:28:58.413
Will you please just go look in your system for the order.

00:28:58.413 --> 00:29:01.903
They told me if I got to you, there is some kind of after hours people that come pick up urine.

00:29:01.903 --> 00:29:02.965
This is what your boy told me.

00:29:02.965 --> 00:29:04.330
This is what your boy told me.

00:29:04.330 --> 00:29:09.457
I've never heard of an after-hours pickup for urine.

00:29:09.457 --> 00:29:13.250
And I'm leaning into the camera on purpose saying it with my chest.

00:29:15.247 --> 00:29:20.566
I then asked, because I'm a comedian how long have you worked here?

00:29:20.566 --> 00:29:23.852
This motherfucker said three weeks.

00:29:23.852 --> 00:29:27.227
I know you fucking lying.

00:29:27.227 --> 00:29:33.276
Are you really trying to check me on what the rules, process and procedures are?

00:29:33.276 --> 00:29:35.359
And you ain't made it a month.

00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:47.262
That means you probably haven't even cashed your first paycheck, baby.

00:29:47.284 --> 00:29:47.544
He did go.

00:29:47.544 --> 00:30:08.731
He checked the system that his name was in there.

00:30:08.731 --> 00:30:09.395
All the stuff was in there.

00:30:09.395 --> 00:30:10.141
It said take the urine, pick me up.

00:30:10.141 --> 00:30:10.785
I am leaving my car at this lab.

00:30:10.785 --> 00:30:13.413
I could not drive home.

00:30:13.413 --> 00:30:14.585
Do y'all feel what I'm saying?

00:30:14.585 --> 00:30:18.336
I didn't have the stamina to drive home.

00:30:18.336 --> 00:30:21.313
I just left my car in the middle of nowhere.

00:30:21.313 --> 00:30:22.670
I was like that car.

00:30:22.670 --> 00:30:24.114
I got to pick me.

00:30:24.114 --> 00:30:37.305
Somebody has to choose Jay, card.

00:30:37.305 --> 00:30:37.625
I gotta pick me.

00:30:37.625 --> 00:30:38.367
Somebody has to choose Jay.

00:30:38.367 --> 00:30:40.313
And yeah, zeddy had a two-strand, double-resistant UTI.

00:30:40.333 --> 00:30:41.756
So fight through it, caregivers.

00:30:41.756 --> 00:30:43.160
Fight through it, baby.

00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:44.242
Fight through it.

00:30:44.242 --> 00:30:44.963
Fight through it, baby.

00:30:44.963 --> 00:30:51.998
Fight through it, the snuggle ups.

00:30:52.685 --> 00:31:10.577
Number one Caregivers, new, old, in between, newbies, ogs, shmediums Don't worry about how much expertise you have.

00:31:10.577 --> 00:31:17.327
What you don't know Will you have what it takes.

00:31:17.327 --> 00:31:42.769
In the moment I did not have a clue of what was before me and if you had asked me even the day before if I could have weathered the story I just shared with you about my dump on the highway and still getting through it, I would have told you, hell, no, I already said I don't know what's gonna happen, but there's no way I could keep driving.

00:31:42.769 --> 00:31:56.028
It is amazing what resolve and passion and purpose and fidelity when you are committed to something greater than oneself.

00:31:56.028 --> 00:31:58.652
It kind of just takes over.

00:31:58.652 --> 00:32:17.018
So just know and trust and lean into the notion that you will know how to do what you need to do when the time gets critical and everything else, don't worry about it.

00:32:18.286 --> 00:32:21.788
Number two UTIs are the devil.

00:32:21.788 --> 00:32:24.352
They are the devil.

00:32:24.352 --> 00:32:26.653
They are worse than taxes.

00:32:26.653 --> 00:32:34.662
They are worse than that ex that cheesed on you, took your money and embarrassed you in front of all your friends.

00:32:34.662 --> 00:32:38.905
I mean they are.

00:32:38.905 --> 00:32:46.759
You can't underestimate how stupid they can make your LO act present.

00:32:46.759 --> 00:32:50.345
So even if you have somebody that you love, your LO act present.

00:32:50.345 --> 00:33:04.776
So even if you have somebody that you love that may not have dementia, if they are over 65 and acting weird, whatever that word means to you please test their urine first.

00:33:04.776 --> 00:33:06.511
It is a simple test.

00:33:06.511 --> 00:33:11.709
It's fast, it's inexpensive, you ain't really got to wait.

00:33:11.709 --> 00:33:23.948
All over the world, no matter where you are, they do have examinations in less than 24 hours to tell you if you have a UTI, and there are all kinds of antibiotics.

00:33:23.948 --> 00:33:27.593
Listen, thank me later.

00:33:29.596 --> 00:33:40.960
Number three advocating for your LO, at least to J Smiles, it is a divine and constitutional right.

00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:51.547
You have the right to push as many buttons on as many people and piss as many people off as necessary in the advocation.

00:33:51.547 --> 00:33:52.670
Is that a word?

00:33:52.670 --> 00:34:10.820
Anyway, it is because I just said it For your LO the number of people who attempted to tell me that it was too late that day and that their urine couldn't be tested, even more than I told you about in this episode.

00:34:10.820 --> 00:34:15.434
I did truncate it, I left a few things out just for the sake of editing.

00:34:15.434 --> 00:34:21.913
But you ain't about to tell me what can't happen for my mama.

00:34:21.913 --> 00:34:28.277
If it's possible and not horribly illegal, you about to give it to me.

00:34:28.277 --> 00:34:39.594
I want you to walk into, snuggle up into the fact that advocating for your LO is your birthright.

00:34:39.594 --> 00:34:42.909
Be pushy, do whatever it takes.

00:34:43.324 --> 00:34:44.590
Thank you for tuning in.

00:34:44.590 --> 00:34:46.492
I mean really, really, really.

00:34:46.492 --> 00:34:47.661
Thank you so very much for tuning in.

00:34:47.661 --> 00:34:48.447
I mean really, really, really.

00:34:48.447 --> 00:34:57.186
Thank you so very much for tuning in, whether you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform.

00:34:57.186 --> 00:35:01.434
Either way, wherever you are, subscribe, come back.

00:35:01.434 --> 00:35:04.527
That's the way you're going to know when we do something next.

00:35:04.527 --> 00:35:06.050
Y'all know how it is.

00:35:06.050 --> 00:35:06.913
I'm Jayce Miles.

00:35:06.913 --> 00:35:09.597
I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.