Tapping (EFT) with Lauren Fonivelle: a conversation

INTRO - J Smiles:  0:01  
EFT. Not E. F. Hutton, for those of you from the United States and remember the old school financial wizard. And not ET Phone Home for everybody who was in the Sci Fi and loves a feel good movie. EFT: Emotion Freedom Technique. It's this thing when you get to just use your own fingers and tap all over your own body. Alright, okay, wait not all over your own body. You're supposed to tap in very specific places. But get this, you can relieve your own stress with a few little taps on your forehead. That's how my grandmother Glo said forehead. She said, "it's fored. Tap on your neck and things like this. Anyway, I got so excited when today's guests reached out to me to say J Smiles, I'm a caregiver for my mom and I have a non invasive tried and true way that caregivers can take better care of themselves. What? Hello? Sign me up. Sign me uppppp!

INTRO - J Smiles:  1:33  
Parenting Up, Caregiving Adventures with comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for the well being of my mama. For almost a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler Alert- I started comedy because this stuff is so heavy. Be ready for the jokes! Caregiver newbies, OGs, village members trying to just prop up a caregiver, you are in the right place. 

INTRO - Zetty:  2:03  
Hi, this is Zetty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Is that okay? 

INTRO - Zetty:  2:04  
Today's episode -  Tapping with Lauren Fonville.

INTRO - J Smiles:  1:56  
Today's episode: Tapping - a conversation with Lauren Fonville. Our global community is expanding. I want your feedback. Let's snuggle up. Send a Purple Heart, the little emoji, to plus 1-404-737-1449. Parenting Up family, we have a very special guest with us today. Lauren Fonville; but it's really French. It's vonilla'. Not many Americans probably can say that but you know, I might even say that the French would appreciate the way I tried it. But hey. My grandmother is Creole so I could take a shot at. 

Lauren  2:06  
There you go. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  2:50  
Welcome, Lauren.

Lauren  3:21  
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to chat with you today.

INTRO - J Smiles:  3:25  
Of course. Now, Parenting Up family, I'm going to tell you why Lauren is super important for us. Not that the other guests haven't been, so don't run off the road if you listen to this in a podcast, and you've been a guest previously. Lauren is actually going to give us some show and tell which is... which doesn't always happen. Lauren is a caregiver. We're going to dig into that later. Her mom has Parkinson's. But she also is going to give us a stress relief technique that we can pull out of our tool bag anytime, anywhere. And as caregivers, omg, how amazing is that? We don't need a massage therapist. We don't need a prescription. And we don't need another person. Yeah. So let's dig right into that. Lauren, tell us about your mom. We are family caregivers first here. And anyone suffering with something under the umbrella of dementia, which Parkinson's is, is close to our heart. 

Lauren  4:42  
Yeah. My mom was was officially diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2002. And I was in college at that point, but she had definitely had symptoms for several years leading up to that before, before getting the diagnosis. And in the beginning, you know, it was she took the medicine and there was... you couldn't really tell. You wouldn't necessarily know that anything was wrong with her. But obviously as time has gone on, that's unfortunately not the case. You know, she.. the disease has progressed. And yeah, it's... it's been a it's been a ride, shall we say that? I will say my dad is her primary caregiver. So I like to say I'm a secondary caregiver, I, you know, I'll talk to doctors on the phone, I don't... I live a bit of a drive from them. But, you know, I try and make trips home to help out where I can. And yeah, it's, it's a lot. It's a lot for any caregiver. And it's a lot for me also to watch my father being, being her primary caregiver and what that has been doing to him. And I think, as caregivers, everyone can relate to the level of stress that comes along with that, and figuring out healthy ways of managing that stress is important for our own personal well being. And I came to discover tapping because of my own journey with anxiety and stress. And it was several years ago, my husband's in the military, and we got word that he was going to go on another deployment. And it really came out of left field, it wasn't one that we were expecting, and my anxiety went through the roof. And I started having panic attacks, and I started looking for ways to find... to feel better. And that's how I was I came to tapping.

INTRO - J Smiles:  6:43  
Now I have to ask you to pause because before you get into tapping, tapping in your world, that's clear. 

Lauren  6:54  
Yes.

INTRO - J Smiles:  6:54  
But for those of us who don't know, we, you know, we're not talking... you're not talking about tapping your pen on a desk.

Lauren  6:59  
Or tap dancing. I've gotten that one before.

INTRO - J Smiles:  7:02  
Tap dancing, which is also fun.

Lauren  7:06  
Yeah, so EFT, which is Emotional Freedom Technique, it also can be referred to as tapping. Sometimes it's referred to psychological acupressure. So there are interchangeable terms, but I mostly will call it EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping. So they're all interchangeable.

INTRO - J Smiles:  7:22  
Before we pull that... get deeper into that, I have a few more questions about your mom for anyone, you said there were a few symptoms and signs. What did you or your dad or anyone else notice that made you say, "Hey, she should go and be observed by a doctor or we need to have her checked out."

Lauren  7:52  
Yeah, so she had started complaining that her pinky was... would like shake. She had a tremor, like a tremor in her in her pinky. And I was actually home from college on, I think it was summer break, and we were watching Oprah. And Oprah had Michael J. Fox on. And that was when Michael J. Fox had just recently came out and started sharing that he had Parkinson's. And so he was describing his first symptoms. And it was the same thing. And I remember my mom saying, "That's what I have." Like, there was like this aha moment where she's like, "That's what I have." And then I think from there, then she went to her neurologist and Parkinson's is a disease. It's not just, you know, you can take a test and they say, yes, you're positive for Parkinson's. It was a lot of, you know, ruling other things out and then eventually giving her the medication. and when the medication worked, then they decided that yes, it was in fact, Parkinson's. But it started with the the tremor in the hand.

INTRO - J Smiles:  8:58  
Do you recall how long it took to weed out the other things? Was it months or years?

Lauren  9:04  
So I think a lot of that was kind of done without telling me and my sister. They didn't, they didn't sit us down until probably two years later to say, "Hey, we got this diagnosis." So I think it was at least a year, maybe two.

INTRO - J Smiles:  9:24  
Understood. Thank you for sharing that. I can also remember lots of Oprah Show watching coming home from college. So it seems to be a lot of that going on at my home too. So that's a... that was a mother daughter memory I can join you with that. And then just that, that same generation decision for parents to keep that kind of information from us, especially if we're in college or we don't live nearby. Maybe in the military or whatever, you're raising kids. The generation ahead of you just decides, "Oh, we're not going to tell them." And then they give you the larger piece of information, "This diagnosis has occurred, or there's this disease that we now have to contend with." 

Lauren  10:17  
Um hum. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  10:18  
Yea. Was that heavy when you all found out? Or did you kind of know it was coming?

Lauren  10:25  
It was heavy. I think subconsciously, I knew it was coming. But I really never let my mind go there fully. So when they sat us down and told us that I just remember crying and then running to my room. Yeah, that's, that's pretty... that's pretty much all I remember from that day. Yeah, that's a lot.

Speaker 4  10:50  
Today's episode is sponsored by Parenting Up Live. We're having our first in person caregiver meet up Saturday, June 3 in Atlanta, Georgia. More details coming soon.

INTRO - J Smiles:  11:07  
Your husband, military. Were you all, um, circling back to that, you were in... your husband's in the military, you noticed that you were having panic attacks. Were you outside of the United States when that occurred?

Lauren  11:25  
No, we were we were here in the US. And I... we had done deployments before, and I had never had a panic attack. But I think because at this point, he had transitioned into the reserves, I was under the illusion that he was not going to have to deploy again. And then suddenly, we find this information out, we... I had two little kids at the time. And it was a very, very stressful time. And so you know, the first thing I did was to go to the doctor, right? Because I'm having these panic attacks. And the doctor wanted...or gave me medication. And I took it for a couple of days. But I really didn't like how it made me feel. And I decided that I was going to... I wanted to try other ways first, I was like, "Alright, I'll go back to the doctor if, if I don't find something else that works like in the next six weeks. And so I went to a yoga class.

INTRO - J Smiles:  12:24  
What, if you recall, what was some of the feelings that the medication gave you that you didn't like? And how old were your kids at that time?

Lauren  12:35  
My kids were four and six. I think it made me feel jittery. I didn't feel... I think I felt a little nauseous. I just, like didn't feel like I was in control. I think that's really what it what it was. And I'm not by any means against medication. I think that there that, that it's a great thing that we have medication. But for me at that time, it just, it wasn't working. And so I found myself in a yoga class, and there was a flyer about yoga teacher training, and something deep within me was like, "That's what you need to do." So I signed up for that, then and there. And that was a beautiful experience. I didn't know that I really needed that. But I really needed that. And I'm so glad that I listened to that voice. And being at the yoga studio, I was around a lot of people who were into energy work. And I went on to get certified in Reiki. And then I was in a group coaching program at that time. And it was through that program that I got introduced to tapping. And I thought it was very strange, like this tapping is this, the whole idea behind it is that you're literally tapping on certain points of your body while simultaneously acknowledging emotions that you're feeling. And it's supposed to make you feel better physically, emotionally, mentally, and I was like, "Okay." I was a big skeptic, you know, that sounded like this way out there to me, but I was also dealing with all of this stress and thought, "Well, can't hurt, I'm here. Might as well give it a try."And I did and I had this experience where I really felt my body feeling calmer. And I didn't understand why it worked. That was enough for me to continue to explore it and continue on and eventually get certified so that I could share it with other people.

INTRO - J Smiles:  14:32  
It sounds super cool that you even went to yoga class. And you have a four year old and a six year old. Anyway, anything under ten to me sounds like they're a piece of crystal and if you touch them, they will break okay, I don't have anything alive at my house but my mom. I don't have a plant. So you have two other little things that you know you gotta you supposed to keep him alive? I know that, I know that. And had you done yoga before?

Lauren  15:07  
Yes, yes. So I have practiced yoga on and off for years. And in reflecting back on it now, I really would turn to yoga in challenging times, during challenging times in my life. And I think, I think that was just because I got to some subconscious level, it, I knew that it made me feel better, you know, it was a way to move some of that energy that I've been shoving down or trying to avoid feeling.

INTRO - J Smiles:  15:34  
I'm nodding my head because I'm there. I'm right there with you. I was introduced to yoga in a very intentional and intense manner right after my father passed. No, actually, right after my maternal grandmother passed. And while I didn't stick with it immediately, it did become a go to. Scuba diving is my first, it was the first thing that I could recognize that when I do this, I immediately washed of all negative thoughts and feelings. How easy is it to go scuba diving, when you're having a bad day. And yoga came around some years after, after scuba was identified for me as this happy place. Obviously, is a lot more accessible. But I didn't stick to it. So it's... I understand that I'm right there with you of acknowledging that this is a thing that I can go to, and it can kind of cleanse me and make me happy. But then you're telling us that you, you kind of went along this journey of from yoga to becoming a yoga trainer to energy work to Reiki. That process, how long was that?

Lauren  17:08  
Several years. Yeah, it was just really, really saying yes to the things that, that I wanted to do. What I refer to as the soul nudges. Little, little taps from the universe.

INTRO - J Smiles:  17:22  
I like that, soul nudges.

INTRO - J Smiles:  17:25  
 Yeah, you know, things things come up into our universe for a reason. And I mean, a lot of the time, that's when my clients come to me. Is that, you know, they've tried different things, they've heard about tapping, maybe they watched a documentary on it, or they had a friend mention it, or they saw a flyer. And, you know, it's like, alright, well, there's something I want, I want to look into it a little bit more, you know, and that's really when people come and find me, because it is a little bit outside of the box. I would say in the six years that I've been doing this, it's become more and more common. People are more familiar with it than they were six years ago, but there's still a lot of people that have no idea about what EFT or tapping is.

INTRO - J Smiles:  18:08  
Okay, when you were exposed to it. What was your anxiety like at that time, because you'd already done quite a few things from the yoga to the energy training and Reiki. So...

Lauren  18:24  
At that time, I was, I was dealing, I was still dealing with my anxiety. And at that particular time, I was having a really bad flare up of TMJ, which is you know, when when you have issues with your jaw. And so when I get stressed out, I have a lot of tension in my neck, my jaw, my shoulders. And at that particular time, it was a bad flare up. And there... I was told that tapping not only helps with emotional stuff, but it can also help with physical pain. And so again, I was skeptical, but I'm intrigued. And so after the first experience with it, which was in a group setting where I felt calmer in my body, I had some one on one sessions. And when she asked me what I wanted to work on, I had said I wanted to work you know on my pain, my pain level in my jaw. And in that first session, I had a really really big transformation for me, a really big shift in my pain, and it became abundantly clear that there was an emotional component to the physical pain that I was experiencing. And a lot, a lot of light was shed on that for me and I think making that connection was really powerful and push me to continue to continue to tap and and study and go on eventually years later to get certified.

INTRO - J Smiles:  19:49  
That gave me a Lucille Ball face feeling. I had red hair. That's such a breakthrough to recognize that your physical pain is coming from emotional distress. And the fact that tapping even gave you such an awareness is already a reason to ring the bell of ohhh, this is an amazing process. And then again, it's not obtrusive or intrusive. That's the word I wanted. Yeah.

Lauren  20:28  
Yeah, it's a very gentle, it's a very gentle practice, that truly does meet you where you are.

INTRO - J Smiles:  20:35  
So talk to us about it. 

Lauren  20:37  
Yeah, so I'll just share more of, more of my story. So I went for this one on one session, and the practitioner asked me on a scale of one to ten, how intense was my pain and my jaw that day, and I told her, it was about an eight. And she just asked me a lot of questions. So questions like, "How does it make you feel that you're dealing with this, you have this pain, and you're having to deal with this pain?" And so I explained that I was really frustrated with it. And so then she would use my words and create sentences. Like, "Even though I'm really frustrated, I love and accept myself." And we would be tapping on the points. And I tell people, it's a lot like Simon Says. So she would tap on a point, we're doing this virtually now, she would tap on a point, she would say a sentence, I would tap on the same point and repeat that sentence. So we were tapping about how frustrated I was, and we would just move from point to point and again, she would say a phrase, I would repeat the phrase. And she kept encouraging me, you know, anything that I started to think or notice any feelings in my body to let her know. And so I was really, you know, thinking about how frustrated I was, and that, you know, frustrated that I couldn't eat certain foods, frustrated that I was dealing with this pain, and on top of all the stress. And then I started to feel really angry. And so I told her that I'm like, I'm feeling this anger started to build up inside. And you know, she was asking me what I was angry about. And so I was angry about the pain, but then also angry at the dentist who took my wisdom teeth out because that was what triggered TMJ for me, and they dislocated my jaw. And I had no idea that we're going to do that. And they dislocated my jaw. And I didn't know that they were going to do that to remove the wisdom teeth, right? So I have all this anger coming out at this dentist who took my wisdom teeth out, like 15 years prior to this tapping session, right? So I was like, "Oh, wow, I didn't realize I was still so angry at this guy." You know and the feelings of anger then turned into feelings of betrayal. Because I really had no idea that that that was even a possibility. And so I felt really betrayed. And then this is where the story gets interesting. I had what I felt like was an unrelated thought, I had this memory come to mind of when I was betrayed by a friend. So completely unrelated to anything else. Right? Yeah.

INTRO - J Smiles:  23:14  
Okay, hold please. Give us some idea of what body parts you're tapping because then you know, there are a lot of body parts. 

Lauren  23:22  
Yeah, yeah. So with with EFT, there's a there's a specific protocol of points on the body that you tap on. And the points that we're, that we're tapping on are the end points of the meridian. So I describe it, like if you're going to acupuncture, you know, they put needles in at certain points of the body. We're putting, we're putting acupressure, so light pressure on some of those same points in the body, on the body. So I can just name, go through them quickly, where they, where they're at, if you want. Does that sound good?

INTRO - J Smiles:  23:53  
Yes, just so, just so... Exactly, so that our followers and listeners, some may view this, and others will only hear an idea that what part of the body this entails. 

Lauren  24:10  
Absolutely. Okay, so the first point is on the pinky side of the hand, so I tap with my right hand on the left pinky side of my left hand, but you can do vice versa, it doesn't matter, you can also switch back and forth so it's the bottom half of the pinky side of the hand. And then the next point is at the crown of the head, right in the center of the head. The next point is at the start of the eyebrows, I tend to tap with my index finger and middle finger on both sides, the start of the eyebrows, and then we're gonna go to the sides of the eyes, under the eyes, under the nose, onto the chin crease, the collarbone, under the arm, so the side of the body like the center of the bra strap on the side of the body for women and about you know, three inches down from the armpit for men. And then the last point is on the back of the hand between the pinky and the ring finger. And so as why, as I moved through that process with the practitioner, we would basically say a phrase on each of the each of these points as we moved around the body. And so kind of circling back. So I had what I felt was on an unrelated thought, this memory of being betrayed by a friend. And, and so because she kept asking me, "Oh, what's coming up for you now?" And I said, "Well, I don't think this is related, but I just had this memory pop up ofwhen my friend did this to me, and I felt betrayed by the friend." And, and so she, we started talking about that particular situation, and that sense of betrayal that I felt in that relationship. And then ultimately, you know, it led me towards feeling sad that that friendship came to an end. And so in, from... and that was over a period of an hour, this session. So what started as me feeling really frustrated with the pain going to the anger, the betrayal, and then this sadness. And then at the end of the session, she asked me to check back in with the pain to see where I was at. And I was at a two. And that blew my mind. Because when I tell you, I have been doing all sorts of things to try and mitigate this pain from like, you know, getting one of those nightguard things from the dentist and sleeping with it, massage, rubbing peppermint oil on, only eating, you know, softer foods, like nothing seems to be helping. But then when there was this connection of this anger, or frustration and sadness that obviously I've been holding in my jaw, there was some sort of release that happened. And again, when I mean, I was very skeptical of all of this, but then when I experienced that, it was, it was like a no brainer, I still didn't understand what the heck happened or why it happened. But I was like, I don't even care. It's this is working, you know?

INTRO - J Smiles:  26:58  
Who needs to understand it? Like, why is it that I like chocolate ice cream more than I like pistachio? I don't care, give me chocolate ice cream.

Lauren  27:07  
But I do find that like working with a lot of my clients there is this need to understand, like what's happening, you know, and I always have tried to remind them of exactly that. It's, we don't need to understand everything, right? Like, I can go into the science with you of what is happening inside of the brain, and you can gain more of an understanding of it for sure. But when you're just starting to feel better, just try and sit in the gratitude of the fact that you're feeling better.

INTRO - J Smiles:  27:34  
I know as a caregiver, this is squarely into year eleven with my mom. The fact that this is something that does not require an additional pill, and it doesn't require me to make an appointment with a provider. This is, I mean, well, I have to go into someone's office, because you said this is virtual. 

Lauren  28:03  
Yeah, yeah, I yeah, I can do this virtually with people. And, you know, you can also do it on your own as well. Like in those, in those situations where you're feeling really overwhelmed or you feel anxiety or stress coming on. You can just do it right then and there. And so this... I think what I love about this is that it's a tool that can be used proactively on a day to day basis. And then it can also be used reactively in those situations where you're really feeling the overwhelm.

INTRO - J Smiles:  28:31  
Wow, is there an age, a minimum age? Like can kids use this?

Lauren  28:38  
Kids can use this. There's actually studies being done over in Australia, about using EFT in the schools with some really positive results that are coming from it. The youngest child that I have ever worked with is five, and he had some, he had some big changes and reduced his anxiety and was able to get on the bus without having tantrums and crying and all of that. So yeah, you know, I think our children in general are living in very stressful times and teaching them different ways of coping is important. So yeah, it can it can help kids too. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  29:15  
I love it. You had such an immediate visceral response, it was a physical pain that dropped down. Is that normal?

Lauren  29:30  
No. It is not typical. And I think, I think it depends... people will ask a lot. Well, how long does it take? How long does it last? And the answer is, it depends. And it depends on how, I think one like how ready you are for healing. And I, you know, and that can be sticky because people will say, "I'm ready for healing. Of course I'm ready for healing." Right? But what I mean by that is sometimes, sometimes we're not ready to look at a situation from a different perspective. And that can, that can hold us back from really finding that healing. I can give you an example of a client that I worked with who was dealing with a lot of physical pain and had been in her bed for several days and was really struggling. And we started doing some, doing some tapping and talking about, you know, how it was frustrating for her and how she felt really limited, and posing the question of, if there was any benefit to the pain, what would that benefit be? And she really paused to think about that. And a lot of people would just be like, "There's no benefit to the pain." Right? Like, I'm not... there's no benefit to it. But she really paused and thought about it. And she said, "Well, because I'm dealing with this, my kids are coming over to visit me a lot more." And so then that opened a door of, "Well, is there a fear that if you didn't have the pain that your kids wouldn't be coming by?" And you know, and we continue down that road and continue to ask questions there. And then by the end of that session, she really did have a shift in her pain. And so by having the willingness to really look at things a little bit differently, you can, you can really create some change for yourself. So your readiness there plays plays a factor in it. And it... I think it also has to do with how long you've been dealing with whatever the issue is, whether it's emotional or physical. If it's been something that's been going on for a really long time, it might take a little bit longer to, you know, create the change that you're that you're looking for. But it really is this process of beginning to peel back the layers to truly get to the root of what's really going on.

INTRO - J Smiles:  31:57  
Right, let's take... a let's take, I'm gonna take a stab at a fictitious caregiver. Okay. Okay, so let's just say we have a caregiver who lives with, the LO lives with them. And so this is a just an ongoing stress, maybe the caregiver, the parent has lived with them for four or five years, and it's an ongoing stress. So it's, it's been there for a number of years, but it's not something that can be remedied. How... what hope could you give them where EFT could be useful or worthy of them trying?

Lauren  32:46  
Yeah. So I think it's, I think it's important to explain that EFT is a practice that really helps you acknowledge the emotions that you're feeling. So in...

INTRO - J Smiles:  33:00  
Hold, please. Hold, please. This is where we give cheers.

Lauren  33:16  
Okay. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. So, you know, and that isn't something that, that, in general, people do enough. Really allowing themselves the space to acknowledge how they are feeling. And so, I often talk about how we have all of these experiences in our life. And those experiences have emotions attached to them. And when those emotions are uncomfortable emotions, like anger, sadness, frustration, overwhelm, we don't enjoy feeling those things, right, that's not a warm, fuzzy. And so typically, what someone is going to do, is going to shove that stuff down and redirect their attention elsewhere. And sometimes that's throwing yourself into your work or throwing yourself onto the couch and having a few too many drinks, whatever it is, to not feel the feeling, right. And so I think we all know that that whatever, you know, remedy you make for the short term, it can work for a little while. But then over time, everything that you've been shoving down continues to build up to a point where it's going to explode in some way. And sometimes that is emotionally and sometimes that is physically with physical pain. And I think a lot of people can relate to when I'm stressed, like how I described when I'm stressed, I feel it in my neck and my shoulders. I know a lot of people like that are out there like me. Other people get headaches, other people get stomach aches, right? There's like that attachment to it. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  34:46  
Migraines. 

Lauren  34:47  
Migraines. Yeah. And so the thing is, is that it's not just with stress that that happens, that happens with any emotion that has not moved. And so the definition of emotion is energy in motion, that so it's this idea that our emotions need to move, they need to be felt they need to be acknowledged, they cannot be shoved down and ignored. Because if they do, if they are, if you do that for long enough, your body is going to start screaming. And so we need to listen, we need to really communicate with our bodies, we need to listen to the whispers. So we don't have to hear our bodies scream. And yes, so going back to your example of the of the caregiver, so someone who's dealing with a, you know, inordinate amount of stress and overwhelm, tapping can help you to really allow that, right. So unlike, you know, positive affirmations where you might say, Okay, we acknowledge, I'm really stressed out and overwhelmed. And then we could go to the opposite end of the spectrum and say, Everything's great life is easy, breezy, right? You could say that. But there's a disconnect there, because you don't feel that way, right. It's just like giving lip service to it. So instead, with tapping, what we're doing is we're allowing you to really feel the anxiety and stress, maybe it's feeling sadness that you're in this situation. Or maybe you're angry that you're in the situation, whatever emotions are coming up with it. And then what happens is, is that we, tapping helps us to slowly and organically move the needle towards that next better feeling or thought. So it's probably highly unlikely that in one session, you're going to go from feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed to feeling easy, breezy, life is great. But maybe it's, maybe it's I'm feeling really overwhelmed today. And it's okay. And tomorrow's a new day, right? Maybe that's the better thought that you get to and maybe that feels better in your, in your body. And so it's this practice of slowly moving the needle to get to that better place.

INTRO - J Smiles:  36:57  
To me it sounds like a emotional physical therapy, as if, so you have mental health therapist, and then we have physical therapist. So if I break my arm or strain my rotator cuff, I know who I go to. Then if I'm having a mental health crisis, I know who I go to. This...

Lauren  37:23  
It's like a somatic practice. So somatic practice of the mind, in the mind and body.

INTRO - J Smiles:  37:29  
Sounds like helping me somewhere in the middle, like it's, it is allowing me to release what's occurring emotionally, how it's affecting me physically. 

Lauren  37:46  
Yeah, it's this really cool process of...

Lauren  37:48  
That's really cool.

Lauren  37:46  
Beginning to connect the dots. Because sometimes it's, you know, it's clear, okay, like, maybe you just got news from a doctor. And of course, that's going to make you feel sad or upset. But sometimes we have these emotions and feelings, and they're linked to things that have happened in our past. And then maybe we're triggered by something that happens today. And we don't even realize that there's this connection to this past event that now is making me feel this more intensely today in this moment. So it's really helping to connect the dots with all of that so that you can feel it, feel it to heal it. That's what I like to say, you got to feel it to heal it. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  37:55  
I like it. Feel it to heal. I like that.

INTRO - J Smiles:  38:38  
How can the Parenting Up family experience EFT with you?

Lauren  38:47  
Yeah, absolutely. So I have a YouTube channel, and I put out videos typically weekly. And then I also have a newsletter that I send those, send those videos out in. And you can... I also have a masterclass. So my website is: mindshiftwithlauren.com. The free masterclass that really goes into a lot of detail of the science behind why this is... why this works. And it also is an introductory experience to it. So I always direct people to start there. That's mindshiftwithlauren.com/masterclass. And, and yeah, and then once you go on my website, you can follow me on all my socials but if you search for me on YouTube or on Instagram at mindshiftwithLauren, you'll find me. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  39:38  
Fantastic. I know that I'm going to sign up for something.

Lauren  39:43  
Cool!

INTRO - J Smiles:  39:43  
I'm already over here, like at my desk. As you've been talking, I've just been touching this... I'm sure not appropriately, I've just been touching the side of my hand. 

Lauren  39:55  
Yeah, that's okay. Like if you, you can either tap on it, right. Or you can just apply light pressure to it, and it's going to be effective, it's going to help you to calm your nervous system.

INTRO - J Smiles:  40:07  
What I know is, I fully believe in energy work. And I am aware of what yoga and meditation have done for me, I would not have made it this far without those two additions to my life.

Lauren  40:30  
Yeah. And that's what it's all about, it really is about finding the different modalities that are going to help you feel better. And it can be a combination of any of those, you know, or journaling or walking or any type of exercise, anything that's going to help get that, help really get that energy moving. And so I did start a yoga class that is a yin yoga class. So it's very gentle. But it incorporates EFT. So it incorporates tapping. We'll, we'll hold a pose, we'll do some tapping, we'll hold a pose, we'll do some tapping. And that is both in person, I'm located here in Delaware, and then it's also virtual. So if anybody's ever interested in doing a tapping, gentle yoga class, I also offer that. It's every Friday at 11am Eastern.

INTRO - J Smiles:  41:16  
Will they... is that clear on your website?

Lauren  41:21  
Yeah, if you go to my events page, there's information there and you can click the link and register for it.

INTRO - J Smiles:  41:28  
Look at all these goodies. See, see Parenting Up family, I told you we was going to be all of this show and tell, which is amazing. And the fact that the tapping, the EFT, it could occur... if you're going to visit your loved one, if they live in a facility, if they live in assisted living, you could be sitting there visiting them, they can be taken a nap and you can still do this. You can do this while you're in the room, like myself, Zetty, we live in the same home. Approximately how long does it take you to go through one tapping session?

Lauren  42:06  
So when I work one on one with my clients, we, the session is an hour long. But sometimes that... sometimes we'll do tapping for the entire hour, sometimes we'll incorporate some of the other healing modalities that I do, whether it's Reiki or I do some some sound healing or meditation. But in general, if you are just feeling overwhelmed, you can just tap and you only have a couple of minutes. You can just tap for a couple of minutes. Yeah, I mean, it's going, it's going to help. And I would say, I always recommend trying to tap regularly because the more that you do it on a proactive basis, the easier it's going to be to implement in those moments when you are really stressed out and really overwhelmed and really need it. So even just finding a couple minutes a day. I always say, you know, we typically take a few showers a week at least I hope and so when you put some shampoo in your hair you can just leave the shampoo in your hair for a few minutes and do a little bit of tapping and then wash it out, right. Like you can find little pockets in your day to make time for it because I know that that's a big a big thing for people it's like, "I don't have the time." You can find... you can find a few minutes.

INTRO - J Smiles:  43:20  
Oh yeah, I like that. Hey, if I could tap a little bit in between conditioner, if that, if that amount of time would be useful, I can totally do it. I have a slight joke to say there though. My grandfather, bless his... rest his soul. A good old country man from middle Alabama. My grandmother would argue with him about taking a shower because he didn't want to. He said growing up, they only bathed to go to church because they lived on a farm, they only bathed to go to church. And his response, "Uh, bathe every day? Why bathe every day? You know water rust iron. What you think it's going to do to my pretty skin?" 

Lauren  44:13  
Oh my goodness. That's so funny.

INTRO - J Smiles:  44:18  
So that.. anyway, I would always laugh so hard and end up on the floor rolling around because he does have a point, water does rust iron. What would it do to his delicate pretty skin as he said. I was like, "Well, I don't really know if that's where we're trying to go with this." But I do agree with you that we're in the shower or we're washing something. So, I appreciate the point just of letting us know that even as useful, because this thing, this this tapping is so beneficial to the... to our body, soul, mind, spirit. It's sounds so critical and fragile that you're like, "Oh God, it's gonna take me three hours and I have to be in a dark room with the shades pulled in it." It harkens to that level of when you're first starting to meditate, and you think that you have to be in this perfect environment, and have, you know, this neat setting that's pristine, and you have to have exactly an hour. So thank you for letting us know that it's a bigger deal to really do it frequently, even if you only have a few minutes. So...

Lauren  45:35  
It helps. Every little bit helps.

INTRO - J Smiles:  45:37  
Yep, so I look forward to digging into all of that. I know this is going to be so helpful to everyone here at the Parenting Up family because we're stressed. We're absolutely stressed. We are burdened with love. And any and everything we can do to cope better, we appreciate.

Lauren  46:03  
Absolutely. And I will... I volunteer for an organization called Yoga 4 Caregivers and they offer all sorts of free virtual classes for caregivers. There's a Facebook group. So it's Yoga4caregivers and you can also go yoga4caregivers.com and and find the link for that Facebook group but they... it's a wonderful organization that supports caregivers and I have been honored to be a part of it. I do tapping videos in there as well at least twice a month.

THE SNUGGLE UP:  46:43  
This is like hitting the coping physical skills lottery.

Lauren  46:49  
Yeah, it's a it's a beautiful it's a beautiful group. I highly recommend. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  46:53  
Yeah, well we will dig into that too. Thank you so much, Lauren. Thank you for joining us.

Lauren  46:57  
Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It's been great.

INTRO - J Smiles:  47:02  
Welcome back anytime. Maybe we'll have you on, and just have you go through actual tapping with us next time. 

Lauren  47:11  
Yeah, I would love that. 

INTRO - J Smiles:  47:12  
You take care and all the best to your family.

Lauren  47:16  
Thank you. Thank you so much

THE SNUGGLE UP:  47:23  
The Snuggle Up, number one, saying yes to soul nudges. Intution. It keeps popping up. It's so critical to life and necessary for caregivers. There's no guidebook to what the hell we're doing. And the world hasn't really decided to see us. But that intuition, it's the universe tapping us to let us know what to do. Even if you're not quite ready to give EFT a try, listen to your inner voice more. Say yes more, please.  Number two, what healthy habits have you leaned into in the past? I'm stressing healthy. Now y'all know Remy Martin 1738 is the way I coped in the past but that wasn't healthy. Even if there's something you did decades ago, when you were ten, when you were twenty. Was it coloring? Was it writing poetry? Taking a nap? Organizing your closet? Gardening? What was it? There's something. Sift through your own computer, your brain to remember something. Lauren told us for her, yoga has kind of always been her thing. She just kind of forgot about it. What's that thing? Maybe it's reading. Maybe it's sitting in a hot tub of water. You don't even have to be dirty. It's not always about bathing. Sometimes, it just feel good. Number three, you are a caregiver. You are so bad ass, that you care for another whole human adult. So whatever you did not do yesterday, F it! Forget about it. The fact that you signed up for this thankless, free, very tough, very hard, stressful job that never gives you chocolate or kisses. Ay, who cares if you didn't fold your laundry yesterday or get a car washed" You're a bad ass. You're a caregiver. Boom!

OUTRO:  50:42  
That's it for now. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe for continuous caregiving tips, tricks, trends, and truth. Pretty pretty please with sugar on top share and review it too. I'm a comedian. Alzheimer's is heavy, but we ain't got to be.