Sept. 8, 2025
Unwavering Husband, Caregiver and Advocate
What if you could communicate telepathically with someone living with advanced Alzheimer's? Dan Goerke discovered this extraordinary connection with his wife Denise after conventional conversation became impossible. In this episode, Dan reveals how their mental bond transformed his caregiving approach and ultimately led him to become a powerful advocate for Alzheimer's research. Perhaps most touching is Dan's compassionate philosophy: "Let her do it." When Denise would wander the neighborhoo...
What if you could communicate telepathically with someone living with advanced Alzheimer's? Dan Goerke discovered this extraordinary connection with his wife Denise after conventional conversation became impossible. In this episode, Dan reveals how their mental bond transformed his caregiving approach and ultimately led him to become a powerful advocate for Alzheimer's research.
Perhaps most touching is Dan's compassionate philosophy: "Let her do it." When Denise would wander the neighborhood with scissors, pruning neighbors' flowers without permission, Dan instructed caregivers not to stop her. Rather than imposing restrictions, he recognized these creative moments brought her rare joy in a disease that progressively steals happiness. This perspective offers a powerful lesson for all caregivers—sometimes the greatest compassion lies in allowing freedom rather than control.
From following behind his wife's car to detect unsafe driving patterns to navigating bathroom challenges with humor and patience, Dan's honest account of caregiving's frustrations and unexpected gifts resonates deeply. His journey from anger to advocacy demonstrates how channeling emotion into action can create meaningful change not just for one family, but for millions affected by Alzheimer's.
Ready to transform your own caregiving approach or join the fight against Alzheimer's? Visit alz.org to discover advocacy opportunities, find Dan's book "Unforgettable, Unbelievable" on Amazon, or connect through his Soul to Soul Communication website for telepathic services that might help you bridge the gap with your loved one.
Executive Producer / Host: J Smiles
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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00:00 - Diagnosing Alzheimer's Too Late
04:16 - Dan's Journey as a Caregiver
10:40 - Balancing Anger and Compassion
19:35 - Telepathic Communication Breakthrough
28:33 - Advocacy and Research Progress
38:00 - Let Them Find Joy
42:30 - Final Thoughts and Resources
WEBVTT
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We're diagnosing Alzheimer's the equivalent of diagnosing someone with cancer at stage four.
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There's really, yes, you can make them comfortable, but that's so late in the game.
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All right, hold on, hold on.
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You gotta pause.
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I need everybody to digest this.
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You determined, okay, that's it, she can't drive anymore because you were following her to aqua aerobics or aqua fit class.
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Yes, I thought that is so cool.
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You weren't driving in the car with her, you weren't making her watch you drive, you actually let her drive but followed her multiple times so that you could discern this is actually starting to decline in a way.
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That's not safe.
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So therefore, your decision I'm sure became it was more emphatic that it had to happen because, as you stated in the book, I think you said you counted six or seven traffic violations just in going about a mile from your home and I thought, oh, okay, and you're not a police officer, so if you counted six, a police officer may have counted 12.
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Example that you gave with your wife on how she liked to walk around the neighborhood this is when the disease was advanced, but obviously she could still walk and she would take scissors and she would prune the neighbors' flowers.
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Now, the neighbors did not ask Denise to prune the flowers, but because she loved flowers and she thought they'd make she was gonna make them more beautiful.
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And a caregiver contacted you to say, oh my goodness, she's out here with scissors, chocolate paper, what am I supposed to do?
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Your response was Let her do it.
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Let her do it.
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Let her do it, let her be happy, let her have her happiness, and that's what made her happy.
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And parenting up.
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Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert this shit is heavy.
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That's why I started doing comedy.
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So be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver.
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You are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.
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You double K podcast.
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You double K.
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Today's supporter shout out comes from Instagram.
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The underscore distinguished silver beard.
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I'm so happy for you and the entire team.
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Congratulations on this very great achievement.
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They're praying hands.
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There's a high five, the high 10 hearts, kissy face emojis, a bunch of firebombs and applause claps Amazing.
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Thank you so very much.
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I think that was in reference to us going on tour in Detroit and doing our three part series with Wayne State NIH.
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Dr Detroit aka Dr McNeil.
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It was such a great time.
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Now, if you want to be the recipient of a supporter, shout out.
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You know what to do.
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Leave a review on Apple podcast, youtube, instagram or in our text community.
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All right, until next time.
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What's up, family?
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It's your girl, jay Smiles.
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We're here with a really exciting episode.
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I know, I know, you're like Jay.
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You say that every damn time.
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It's not my fault.
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The Alzheimer's gods are like.
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You know what?
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If you got to go through this dreadful disease?
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What we're going to do, jay, is keep plugging you in to hot guests Now, I don't mean hot like sexually hot.
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Maybe they're sexually hot, but I don't know about that.
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I can promise you I haven't slept.
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Let me make sure.
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Yes, I have not slept with any of my guests thus far.
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There is one in my head, though, that I'm trying to get him on.
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We'll talk about that later.
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Ok, anyway, fast forward back to today, today's guest.
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What's so exciting is this dude is a caregiver you know, once a caregiver, always a caregiver, an advocate, and he went so hard in the paint that the Alzheimer's Association said hey, hey, hey, come over here and join our team.
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Like, he has business cards, from being a caregiver to having business cards, to going to Congress, to legislating what.
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So here's my man, dan Gerke.
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It rhymes with turkey.
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It doesn't have a U in it, though, which is very, very strange.
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I like to call him Gerke, but it's wrong.
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So if you're thinking that when you see it spelled, don't do it.
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Rhymes with turkey.
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That's why I say just call me Dan Right, keep it simple.
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See what I'm saying.
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He has a sense of humor.
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How you doing, dan, awesome, awesome, great to be here.
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Thank you so much.
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This guy is so well plugged in.
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We are actually right now in the office of the Alzheimer's Association for the state of Georgia.
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That is a really big deal.
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So thank you so much, dan, for making sure that we had access to this space, because there is an energy and a vibration that exists here that doesn't really exist anywhere else in this state.
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Yeah, it's a very positive vibe here.
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We're all optimistic about what's going on in the world of Alzheimer's.
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We've hit some milestones and turned the corner on several initiatives and we're real excited yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So we're going to get into why Dan is super special.
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That's what I'm about to do right now, people.
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So Dan has been a caregiver more than once and his wife, who is no longer in a physical human form, had Alzheimer's and Dan was her primary caregiver.
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But Dan had a unique way of communicating with his wife that I found simply fascinating.
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And in a moment we want to get to that when I like to start on all our conversations, because so many people are really new to caregiving and they're not sure if their loved one is just aging or is this possibly a dementia-related disease.
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So, with your wife, what caused you all to say you need to go, we need to go to the doctor?
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Yeah, yeah, and we struggled with that for a while.
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She was in her early 50s and of course at that age Alzheimer's was the last thing we were suspecting.
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But she was displaying a little bit of memory issues, but it was more her inability to come to decisions about things and getting confused.
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That was the biggest issue.
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She was getting confused.
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So I said let's go into your primary care doctor, and we did.
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And the way she was describing things, she said I wasn't sleeping well at night and he latched onto that.
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So he referred us to a sleep specialist way too long, for about a year and a half, almost two years.
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And guess what?
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She kept getting sicker and sicker and more confused and losing her memories.
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And I'm like all these pills and therapies and machines are just not cutting it.
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So we went to a neurologist, finally that specialized in memory issues and within about six months, because of all the testing that went on, he came back and said do you have Alzheimer's disease?
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This was when she was 56.
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That's crazy, oh, and you know what it did?
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Two things it explained a lot of what was going on.
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It's like, oh, that makes sense.
00:09:05.767 --> 00:09:11.331
But there was also the big shock factors like how can somebody 56 have Alzheimer's?
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I had no idea, and that began our journey with the disease at 56 years old for those of you who are viewing it, you can see we have a book here titled Unforgettable Unbelievable.
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Just in case unforgettable wasn't enough, it was also unbelievable A Journey of Telepathy and Compassion in Alzheimer's Care.
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Now we're going to get into what all this title means and what it holds inside of it.
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But, dan, in reading your book, what resonated most with me is how honest you are about being mad.
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There are a lot of people in the caregiver space.
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They write something Maybe it's a blog, it's a book and they speak more of just shock and sadness.
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But you were like I was pissed, and I was like this is my guy.
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I was also pissed and it appears your wife, denise, she was also pissed.
00:10:28.870 --> 00:10:41.975
And speak to those emotions and initial frustrations on behalf of both of you, because I don't know that that gets enough airtime.
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Yeah, and, as you know, there's a range of emotions that come up as a caregiver, as a person living with the disease, and I just want to stress it's so important to be able to do and used to be able to do seamlessly and excellently.
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Driving is the most pertinent example of you know, she was just.
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I want the freedom to go out and do whatever, wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go, and when it finally got to the point where I had to take away the car keys oh my gosh, we are talking about World War III at the house and it would come and go for a while, but it was so difficult Seeing the anger.
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I knew why she was angry and it made complete sense, but yet it was so hard to deal with that too, because it's like I cannot give you the keys, and that was super frustrating and caused me to be angry at the disease.
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I remember telling myself going through this journey either you can't get, you can't get, don't get mad at Denise, get mad at the disease.
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And that began my journey of don't get angry, do something for that.
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And that began my role as doing some advocacy.
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Going to Washington DC, People told me you need to write a book because there's so many great stories.
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I wrote the book with the intention of getting it out there to the caregiving world, to the caregivers, so that they could see this is what this is.
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This is a disease like no other, and there are better ways to do it than just not recognizing your emotions, not recognizing what's going on.
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Just please get out there, recognize what's going on and get help.
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That's one of the reasons I wrote the book.
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I'm happy you wrote the book.
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Thank you.
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You had a technique that I haven't I don't know, at least I haven't heard of it much.
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I feel like this is the first time I have been made aware of this.
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You determined okay, that's it, she can't drive anymore.
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Because you were following her to aqua aerobics or aqua fit class.
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Yes.
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I thought that is so cool.
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You weren't driving in the car with her, you weren't making her watch you drive, you actually let her drive but followed her multiple times so that you could discern this is actually starting to decline in a way that's not safe.
00:13:40.701 --> 00:14:04.153
So therefore, your decision, I'm sure became it was more emphatic that it had to happen because, as you say in the book, I think you said you counted six or seven traffic violations just in going about a mile from your home and I thought, oh OK, and you're not a police officer, so if you counted six, a police officer may have counted 12.
00:14:04.520 --> 00:14:06.245
He only needed one to pull her over.
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Right, exactly, but just as a technique to everyone in the parenting up community, I want to give that as an example of when you're 10 toes down and leading with compassion around.
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She's angry.
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She wants to keep driving.
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To the extent I can, let her keep driving, I will.
00:14:34.481 --> 00:14:43.556
And you came up with a strategy that could then inform your heart and your mind of when enough is enough.
00:14:43.556 --> 00:14:48.904
So I needed to state that technique because I was like, yeah, just drive behind her.
00:14:48.904 --> 00:14:52.312
Why isn't that like on all the commercials?
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This is what you should do before you take your person's keys, because then you know for a fact, let's you know, give me the keys.
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It's time to move on.
00:15:00.482 --> 00:15:06.432
Um, another very uh, because this was I'm a comedian.
00:15:06.432 --> 00:15:29.842
A hilarious uh point that you describe is um, there was a moment where there were loose vowels and you were trying to get her to sit down, mm-hmm, and she was trying to leave Right.
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The way you describe the frustration that you are having with each other and you don't even have a chance to put gloves on Right.
00:15:39.014 --> 00:15:50.133
Share a little bit about the humorous side of that now looking back on it, or even in that moment after you got through it.
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Yeah, I think so much of that was about taking deep breaths.
00:15:53.668 --> 00:16:02.520
Often and frequently she just had an issue she had diarrhea and I had to get her cleaned up.
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She had diarrhea and I had to get her cleaned up.
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And at the stage of the disease that she was at, she just was having difficulty understanding what was going on.
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And I had her there in the bathroom and you know, all the while trying to take off her Depend diaper, get something to clean her up with.
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And yet in her mind, she said, was saying to herself I could almost hear her say I got to get out of here.
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This is a bad situation, right?
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I've got diarrhea, I've got to leave and go somewhere else when she was going, who knows who knows Away from this, though.
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This is messy, it smells and I don't want any part of it.
00:16:46.961 --> 00:16:50.692
Exactly, exactly, and I even don't want this guy near me, right?
00:16:50.692 --> 00:16:54.043
So it was, and I kept telling myself.
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I realized that that's where she was in her mind and that I just had to keep going with the flow, try and calm her down.
00:17:00.663 --> 00:17:04.188
And I did it was.
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It took a while, it took a while, but we got there and I was able to get her in the shower, which she loves showers.
00:17:10.845 --> 00:17:11.445
So I kept.
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That was my carrot, let's get you in the shower.
00:17:14.232 --> 00:17:16.986
You love taking showers and feeling that water on you.
00:17:16.986 --> 00:17:19.701
So that was my carrot to get her in the shower.
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And it all worked out.
00:17:21.963 --> 00:17:28.654
But oh my gosh, I didn't keep track of the time, but I want to say it was probably close to an hour in there with her.
00:17:28.654 --> 00:17:33.227
It felt like the walls were closing in on us, but we got through it.
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Take deep breaths.
00:17:34.830 --> 00:17:36.622
You got to take deep breaths, goodness knows.
00:17:36.622 --> 00:17:48.888
I've had some of my own diarrhea moments with mom and you're looking at the adult brief and you're thinking did this thing work at all?
00:17:48.888 --> 00:17:59.492
She could have just had on regular pants, she could have just been sitting here with nothing on and we could have just let it go everywhere, because I feel as though this didn't absorb anything.
00:17:59.492 --> 00:18:00.747
Give me my money back.
00:18:00.747 --> 00:18:03.788
At a minimum, give me my money back.
00:18:03.788 --> 00:18:05.925
This didn't meet my expectations.
00:18:08.595 --> 00:18:14.568
Your um moment, uh, where you say talk to me now.
00:18:14.568 --> 00:18:21.308
I'm jumping around very purposely, family on the book, because you're gonna need to go get the book and buy the book for yourself, right, and?
00:18:21.308 --> 00:18:32.761
And dan has so much um information that I want to get to in this episode that I I'm trying to hit at least what touched me the most, sure.
00:18:32.761 --> 00:18:44.330
So there's a moment, moment when there's a chapter that you call it Talk to me and you are, you're frustrated.
00:18:44.330 --> 00:18:56.473
You speak on being frustrated because your wife's disease has advanced to the point where you can't verbally really connect with her.
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She's in the bed.
00:18:58.355 --> 00:19:04.631
You finally come from the den watching TV, you get in the bed.
00:19:04.631 --> 00:19:05.452
Tell us what happens.
00:19:06.742 --> 00:19:17.765
Yeah, she was at a point where it was very difficult for her to communicate anything A few words here and there, but certainly you'd ask her a question and she could not verbalize her answer.
00:19:17.765 --> 00:19:22.031
So, yeah, tough day got her to bed.
00:19:22.031 --> 00:19:26.249
Thankfully she slept really soundly and through the night most nights.
00:19:26.249 --> 00:19:40.890
And so I come to bed completely drained, frustrated from the day, both with her, with the disease and at work, and had been having trouble getting her primarily in the bathroom.
00:19:40.890 --> 00:19:46.164
Trying to go to the bathroom could sometimes take up to an hour just to get her on the commode.
00:19:46.164 --> 00:19:47.046
Crazy.
00:19:47.046 --> 00:19:52.781
And I was laying there wide awake she's asleep.
00:19:52.781 --> 00:19:55.309
And I said in my mind.
00:19:55.309 --> 00:19:59.761
I said, said to myself denise, this would be so much easier if, if you could talk to me.
00:19:59.761 --> 00:20:12.086
I immediately heard her voice, the intonation and and sound of her voice in my head say talk to me.
00:20:12.086 --> 00:20:15.273
And I'm like is she asleep?
00:20:17.157 --> 00:20:18.140
And she's asleep.
00:20:18.140 --> 00:20:20.705
Okay, Was this the 70s LSD involved?
00:20:20.705 --> 00:20:21.528
What's going on here?
00:20:21.568 --> 00:20:23.861
Dan, no drugs, okay Okay.
00:20:23.861 --> 00:20:27.247
A couple of glasses of wine, oh yeah, it doesn't count.
00:20:27.247 --> 00:20:29.145
Caregiver's necessity there.
00:20:29.185 --> 00:20:30.500
Yes, absolutely Okay.
00:20:31.023 --> 00:20:36.309
So we all have a prescription for red wine, Exactly so, no drugs involved.
00:20:36.309 --> 00:20:47.410
Heard her say talk to me and I said I immediately accepted that that was her talking and I said okay, how do I get you on the commode?
00:20:47.410 --> 00:20:51.108
Easier Easier for both of us, Because she was struggling.
00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:55.278
She was mad at me, Now is this only in your mind, only in my mind.
00:20:55.278 --> 00:20:56.422
Are you starting to talk out loud?
00:20:56.481 --> 00:20:58.185
Nope, I'm talking in my mind.
00:20:58.185 --> 00:21:00.150
Every bit of this is in my mind.
00:21:00.150 --> 00:21:05.030
And I said show me how to get you on the commode so it's easier for both of us.
00:21:05.030 --> 00:21:11.444
And she starts putting pictures in my head about what to do.
00:21:11.444 --> 00:21:20.344
And she says put one arm on my shoulder, one arm on my hip, push gently here, turn me this way, do this, do that.
00:21:20.344 --> 00:21:29.325
And I thought to myself well, okay, sure, so I'm anxious.
00:21:29.325 --> 00:21:34.548
The next morning I wake up like who is anxious to get their loved one into the bathroom.
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I can't right.
00:21:34.891 --> 00:21:36.461
I can't wait to try this.
00:21:36.461 --> 00:21:37.143
I can't wait.
00:21:37.143 --> 00:21:37.805
I can't wait.
00:21:37.805 --> 00:21:39.067
I want to see if I pass the test.
00:21:39.067 --> 00:21:40.711
Did I study well, yeah?
00:21:41.520 --> 00:21:43.705
So I get her up, we'd walk into the bathroom.
00:21:43.705 --> 00:21:51.528
I do exactly what she had showed me through my mind Okay, and it was, it was a matter of 60 seconds.
00:21:51.528 --> 00:21:57.701
And she's sitting on the commode and I'm like matter of 60 seconds.
00:21:57.701 --> 00:22:00.365
And she's sitting on the commode and I'm like, yes, yes, it worked.
00:22:00.365 --> 00:22:01.448
And she looks at me.
00:22:01.448 --> 00:22:06.928
She goes get out, like I'm doing, I'm like the NFL football player in the end zone and she's like what is this idiot doing?
00:22:07.009 --> 00:22:07.249
Right?
00:22:07.249 --> 00:22:08.272
Well, you know what.
00:22:08.272 --> 00:22:12.766
The celebration is no longer allowed, so you got a penalty right.
00:22:12.766 --> 00:22:15.553
All of that showboating is not necessary then.
00:22:15.779 --> 00:22:21.411
Right, well, I pushed it a little far, so that was proof of that.
00:22:21.411 --> 00:22:36.192
I heard her and that she was communicating, and it just it went to other places of caregiving, getting her in the car, asking her what she wanted to eat, what she didn't want to do, where she wanted to go, things like that.
00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:39.807
That's where the telepathy comes in everybody.
00:22:39.807 --> 00:22:51.974
In the book title Was this your first experience with telepathy?
00:22:52.861 --> 00:22:53.523
Yes and no.
00:22:53.523 --> 00:23:04.903
I had been on a I guess you call it a spiritual, metaphysical journey for a couple of decades, doing different modalities like shamanic breath work, meditation.
00:23:04.903 --> 00:23:10.213
I still meditate every single day and I have for, wow, 20, 30 years.
00:23:10.213 --> 00:23:13.162
Okay, that explains your chill.
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