June 13, 2025
White Coat Wisdom: Best Practices for Care Partners
Do you ever feel dismissed or intimidated when advocating for your loved one in medical settings? That ends today.
"I may know textbook, but you know your loved one," explains Dr. McNeill, just one of the passionate healthcare providers who shared game-changing insights in this powerful exploration of the caregiver-provider relationship. From Detroit's innovative Rosa Parks Geriatric Center, medical professionals reveal what they wish every family caregiver understood about becoming true healthcare partners.
The candid conversations unpack why the caregivers' perspective is invaluable in medical settings - not just welcomed, but essential. Dr. McNeil boldly repositions caregivers as "leaders of the healthcare team," pushing back against outdated hierarchies that diminish caregiver input. Meanwhile, geriatric specialists showcase thoughtful facility designs demonstrating how environments can better serve elderly patients and their caregivers.
Whether you're a seasoned caregiver or new to supporting an aging loved one, these conversations offer a roadmap for confidently navigating medical partnerships. Stop feeling like an outsider in your loved one's care and start embracing your rightful position as an essential healthcare ally with the expert guidance in this episode.
What conversation will you initiate with your loved one's healthcare provider after hearing these insights? Your voice matters more than you know.
For more information about the AGREED grant and resources for caregivers in Detroit, visit agreed.wayne.edu.
Host: J Smiles Comedy
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
This episode was filmed at Evry Media Studios in Detroit.
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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TEXT 'PODCAST" to +1 404 737 1449 - to give J topic ideas, feedback, say hi!
Be sure to leave us a review!
00:00 - Importance of Caregiver Perspective
04:19 - Introduction to Dr. McNeil
10:55 - Caregivers as Leaders of the Team
17:06 - Building an Honest Provider Relationship
26:13 - Rosa Parks Geriatric Center Tour
33:05 - Dr. Patel on Managing Dementia Care
40:59 - Pharmacy Insights for Caregivers
47:07 - Key Takeaways for Caregivers
WEBVTT
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I think that it's very important as a provider to listen to the caregiver, the husband or the wife or the child, whoever is the main person involved, Because I may know textbook right, but you know your loved one.
00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:36.670
What do you think caregivers can do, can learn, can assist in this whole process of medicine management when it comes to the elderly, Cattekers also need to look after themselves, especially if they are caring for their loved ones who have dementia, then really there is a lot involved.
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You know they can get wound up.
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This sounds like a real relationship, doc.
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Oh yes, it sounds like you are open to, or at least suggesting that, there is open communication, honest communication, and that we we meaning caregivers are giving their provider a chance to say, okay, this didn't go so well.
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But before I just quit you, I'm going to let you know, let's work it out.
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Give me a chance.
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I think I got to look into the camera when I say this, so listen here.
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Parenting Up Caregiving Adventures with Comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
00:01:27.888 --> 00:01:39.308
For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat.
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Spoiler alert this shit is heavy.
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That's why I started doing comedy.
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So be ready for the jokes.
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Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver.
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You are in the right place.
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Hi, this is Zeddy.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast, is that okay?
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Today's supporter shout out is also from Detroit.
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You know what we're doing this whole series.
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We are Detroit ready.
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Baby.
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It's Dr Faith Hopp, associate Professor, wayne State University School of Social Work, agreed GWEP program.
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Guess who is the principal investigator?
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Dr McNeil, I told y'all she was dope.
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This is the shout out.
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This is an amazing and inspiring podcast.
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Double exclamation point OK.
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One, two.
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The caregivers, as Dr McNeil says so eloquently, should be a critical piece of the health care team team.
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Our caregivers have shown us their passion, dedication and commitment to their role and are an inspiration to all of us in Detroit and beyond, and beyond.
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Ow, I love it.
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Thank you so much, dr Hopper.
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If you would like to receive a supportive shout out.
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You know what to do.
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Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, ig or YouTube.
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Parenting up we, the same everywhere, thank you.
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We in Detroit, detroit, this is our first tour and it's happening in Detroit.
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Okay, you just get ready, baby.
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You know how they do it up here.
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What up, though.
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What up, though.
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And this is the day that we are bringing you that fire, that Detroit fire.
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So, wherever you listening, wherever you watching, just get ready, baby, sit down, drink something, sip on something, eat on something, but be safe.
00:04:08.724 --> 00:04:15.721
Today's episode White Coat, wisdom, best Practices for Care Partners what's up?
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Parenting Up, family we still in Detroit, y'all.
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So you better be happy that I'm even awake and smiling enough to talk to y'all, because you know Detroit is a party.
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What up, though?
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What up though?
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So this is episode two.
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We are talking with medical professionals getting their point of view around caregivers, how caregivers can help more, how caregivers can get help more.
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Let's dig in and find out from the other side, right here, who I got with me the one and only Dr McNeil.
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I call her Dr Detroit, though.
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You know what I'm saying Because I got it like that.
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But y'all, if you see her in the street.
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Don't do what I do.
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You call her DrNeil, okay, what up, doc?
00:05:04.369 --> 00:05:05.331
What up, though?
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You see what I'm saying.
00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:07.944
You see what I'm saying.
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Listen, you got a lot of fancy things, but look at this y'all, look at all them things.
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Can y'all zoom in and see all these letters?
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That's a.
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That is everything in the alphabet.
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She has the alphabet behind her name.
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What that really means is she went to school a lot, a whole lot.
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So can you tell us what?
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You went to school?
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A lot, a whole lot.
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So can you tell us what you went to school to?
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Learn how to do which degree?
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See what I'm saying.
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See what I'm saying.
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Okay, the ones, the degrees that have to do with that white coat, okay.
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So I have my doctorate from Wayne State University.
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I have a doctorate in Pause.
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Doctorate, that's what you call a terminal degree.
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Okay, yes, pause, doctorate, that's what you call a terminal degree.
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Ok, I mean, you can't get nothing higher.
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Than that Means you can't get further, further with an A on it or head or her in that there thing.
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Go ahead.
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I have a doctorate in nursing practice, which means I'm a nurse practitioner with a doctorate degree.
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Before that, I was a nurse for many years, working in health care doctorate degree.
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Before that I was a nurse for many years working in health care.
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I can hand you a band-aid.
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If you need more than a band-aid, go to Dr McNeil.
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Please let everyone know about your passion in even getting in nursing, because nursing might be getting all the shine now, especially post pandemic.
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Nurses finally got what I've thought for years should have been.
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A lot of accolades and thank yous came during the COVID pandemic and it was so obvious that nurses were holding us down.
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But you were nursing way before that.
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Way before it was like the sex it was brought back.
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What made you so excited about that?
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field.
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I mean, it's just my desire to serve, my desire to be a vessel.
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You know, when you have individuals, that's at their most weakest, vulnerable state and they are relying on you, as stranger, essentially to care for them, and that's a big responsibility.
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And so that's something I do not take lightly and that is something that I feel I do well, but one of the reasons why nursing is one of the trusted professions and I take that to heart.
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Then, being able to be home in Detroit and being able to address health disparities, using this talent, using this skill, using what God gave me, it's kind of my calling, a calling.
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So I like to how you can be called to do something other than preach.
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So people listen.
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If you've been called to preach, by all means do that.
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But I just want you to know you can be called to do something other than play basketball or preach.
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Look at that.
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There's a third thing Well, I was called a comedy, so that's at least four.
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Ok, that's four things that you have learned today that you can be called to do.
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And nursing yes, I'm so grateful for nurses.
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I know how well nurses made so much difference in my mom's journey Well, I guess our journey in in her caregiving.
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Wow, I love doctors and they may have been the ones who did the surgery and all the good things, but the nurses, what they do and how they convey what I see back to the doctors to then change and or manage the care, makes such a big difference.
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Yes, and I think that it's very important to know that you have different levels of professionals, right?
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So before I got my doctorate, I was a bedside nurse.
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I was the one that was by your side 12 hours while you were sleeping.
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I was the one that was monitoring you, I was the one making sure that whatever orders came in for you were for you, that were appropriate for you, and I was protecting you when I went back to get my terminal degree, that put me in a position of a provider.
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So not only am I having to think about what the nurses are doing at the bedside, now I'm in responsible.
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I'm the person that's writing the orders, creating the care plans for the patients, and again, it's another layer of responsibility because you have to know what you're doing and then be able to execute this.
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You have to know what you're doing and then be able to execute this, not just for that family member, but for the whole care team, the whole family, to be able to get the best outcomes.
00:09:12.211 --> 00:09:17.734
You talk about care team, oh, yes, oh, you're making my heart pitter patter, doc.
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You're making my heart pitter patter because when you say care team, I consider me a part of my mom's care team.
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Absolutely.
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I'm her daughter, yes, but I am her caregiver, her care partner.
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I've learned that term recently and I like it a lot because I still consider my mother a partner in this.
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Even though, cognitively, she is not included in any of the decisions, her spirit is still with me and it guides me because I can tell when she don't like something.
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And if I can tell she don't like it, I'm not going to do that again.
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So therefore, we are still partners in this.
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When you talk about care team, do you consider the family caregiver as a part of the team?
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Not only do I consider that part of the team, they're leading the team Like they're the ones that really are telling the other members of the team what their goals are.
00:10:15.846 --> 00:10:20.644
You know, because you're with me for 15, 20 minutes, whatever the visit is, but you have to go home.
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So whatever plan we create has to be done collectively and together and you have to have buy-in so that when you go home.
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So whatever plan we create has to be done collectively and together and you have to have buy-in so that when you go home, we can make sure that those things are occurring.
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If you tell me this, we're not doing this, I would rather you tell me we're not doing it than me to come back two months later, me thinking okay, we were going along with the plan, and you said, no, I'm not, we're not doing that.
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So to have a great relationship with the health care provider and the family, it has to be honesty, it has to be accountability, and I think that those things are what make the whole team work Fantastic.
00:11:02.945 --> 00:11:06.095
What are some things that you have noticed from the family members, from the care partners, the caregivers, that have worked well?
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I think that it's very important as a provider to listen to the caregiver, the husband or the wife or the child, whoever is the main person involved, because I may know textbook right, but you know your loved one and it really should be a compromise we should be talking about.
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We both have a mutual goal of getting to, whatever the health outcome is.
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It should never be a situation where you feel like, oh, whatever they said, you know they're the professionals.
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No, in that moment you're the professional, especially if your loved one can't advocate for themselves.
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And so I really want to empower caregivers to kind of own that, to own that when you're there and don't let anyone make you feel down or feel less than because maybe you don't have a white coat or you may not have letters behind your name.
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If you're caring for that loved one, you have information I need.
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I need to know are they eating?
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What are they eating?
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What's going on with them?
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I'm asking them, but I'm asking you because maybe they're not able to participate in the conversation, so you are integral in kind of helping me understand what's going on when we're not together.
00:12:05.792 --> 00:12:10.409
Y'all heard it first here Dr McNeil just gave me a white coat.
00:12:10.409 --> 00:12:16.008
I don't know if she should have done that, and I don't know if the rest of the world is ready for all the trash.
00:12:16.008 --> 00:12:25.774
I'm about to talk because I just it sounds to me like you have emboldened me and empowered me to go and give a whole lot of people some orders.
00:12:25.774 --> 00:12:36.120
I'm going to say what Dr McNeil said, to tell you that my mama said that right now, I mean.
00:12:36.140 --> 00:12:39.610
But you do, you have to, you have to advocate.
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Everybody's bringing something to the table, so what you're bringing is not less than what I'm bringing to the table.
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I may be bringing some knowledge, I may be bringing some textbook or some evidence-based practice, but you're bringing lived experience, you're bringing the real.
00:12:53.009 --> 00:12:59.821
So we need to have a conversation, honestly, to come up with a plan that's unique for your loved one, unique for your situation.
00:13:00.142 --> 00:13:07.695
That is so powerful, doc, and I champion you for taking that approach.
00:13:07.695 --> 00:13:13.633
Not everyone in a white coat is as progressive as you are.
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I'm doing my best to enunciate and say this politically correct.
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They just haven't had that change of heart, or perhaps they actually do have some better than thou God type complex.
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I'm the doctor, I know more.
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I went to school for this.
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I can write prescriptions, whatever the case may be.
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And then you have the factor of just pure intimidation.
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There are a lot of caregivers or just family members who are intimidated the moment they went into, walk into a hospital or a clinic or a doctor's office.
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It's just like, oh like, banks, jails and hospitals just scared the shit out of people you don't even even want to go into.
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The.
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You know, keep, keep asking the questions or go ahead and share your thoughts or your concerns, even if you might naturally feel a little intimidated you what closed mouths don't get fed?
00:14:38.289 --> 00:14:38.971
is that the same?
00:14:39.052 --> 00:14:40.254
you know so that is one of them.
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I'm about to tell you now.
00:14:41.260 --> 00:14:42.582
I'm from, from Alabama originally.
00:14:42.582 --> 00:14:44.245
Honey, that definitely is one of them.
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You.
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You can't be intimidated to where you would jeopardize the best outcome for your loved one, or yourself for that matter.
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You need to be empowered to ask questions.
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You should understand what the plan of care is.
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You should understand what is going on.
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What should you anticipate next?
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You should have that understanding Now.
00:15:10.759 --> 00:15:13.336
On the other end, you can't go to Dr Google and come into the office and tell me some things.
00:15:13.336 --> 00:15:18.384
You pulled off TikTok Now just to be fair, right, so again we can Wait.
00:15:18.403 --> 00:15:19.320
Doc, now you're meddling.
00:15:19.320 --> 00:15:33.534
Now, on behalf of the umpteen caregivers I know my grandfather would say now you're meddling, now you're calling me out, now you're not as a hit dog or holler, now you're going to say can't go to Dr Google or TikTok.
00:15:33.534 --> 00:15:34.255
Now you know.
00:15:34.255 --> 00:15:41.913
Now you know, we go, listen, we are Googling while we in the office with you.
00:15:41.913 --> 00:15:44.187
As soon as you say it now, we might misspell it.
00:15:44.187 --> 00:15:45.504
Now that could also be a problem.
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Half the stuff that we are researching, we might be researching the wrong damn disease, because you spell it with a P-H and we spelling it with a F and we going I'm over here in cancer and you trying to tell me about dementia.
00:15:59.027 --> 00:16:00.385
I got it all screwed up.
00:16:00.385 --> 00:16:02.926
But what are we supposed to do though?
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if we don't understand, okay, screwed up.
00:16:06.020 --> 00:16:07.366
But what are we supposed to do, though, if we don't understand?
00:16:07.366 --> 00:16:07.467
Okay.
00:16:07.467 --> 00:16:08.110
So now that's why you have to.
00:16:08.110 --> 00:16:11.504
You have to have a provider that you have open conversations with, that you have an open relationship with.
00:16:11.504 --> 00:16:16.503
I have no problems with patients coming to me and saying, okay, I heard about this medication.
00:16:16.503 --> 00:16:17.686
What do you, what do you think?
00:16:17.686 --> 00:16:25.941
Or we can, I can, point you to some reliable sources, right, because everything on Google and everything on TikTok we know is not real.
00:16:26.461 --> 00:16:29.070
Okay, and so no, yeah, girl, you will be surprised.
00:16:29.070 --> 00:16:31.596
That is not real, okay.
00:16:31.596 --> 00:16:38.081
And so, again, don't feel as though you can't come with some research, but we all have to be on the same page, right?
00:16:38.081 --> 00:16:49.691
Because you may hear something that you think works well for somebody else, but as a healthcare provider, I know your whole past medical history and, because of your heart condition, this is not going to work for us, right.
00:16:49.691 --> 00:16:56.614
And so being open to kind of hearing that kind of feedback and having that exchange, the same works in reverse.
00:16:57.259 --> 00:17:04.728
If I'm suggesting some evidence based approaches to you that you don't necessarily agree with or you don't agree with your loved one, let's have a conversation about that.
00:17:04.728 --> 00:17:12.295
Because, again, what I don't want you to do is walk out of my office and you say okay, and then don't have no intentions of following through.
00:17:12.295 --> 00:17:13.717
We'll never get anywhere.
00:17:13.717 --> 00:17:29.005
You know we'll be kind of at this holding space, so honesty is what I expect and then be able to tell us you don't have to use big words, big fancy words Tell us what's going on, so that we can provide you with the necessary resources.
00:17:29.487 --> 00:17:31.290
This sounds like a real relationship, doc.
00:17:31.290 --> 00:17:59.701
Oh yes, it sounds like you are open to, or at least suggesting that, there is open communication, honest communication, and that we, meaning caregivers, are giving their provider a chance to say OK, this didn't go so well, but before I just quit you, I'm going to let you know, let's work it out.
00:18:00.943 --> 00:18:03.709
Give me a chance.
00:18:03.709 --> 00:18:08.142
I think I got to look into the camera when I say this, so listen here.
00:18:08.142 --> 00:18:17.769
It is very, very, very, very important that we have open communication, and so what I'm going to tell you is that you have to have a primary care provider.
00:18:17.769 --> 00:18:23.133
Now I don't know what's wrong with our people that think they don't need a relationship with a primary care provider.
00:18:23.133 --> 00:18:24.763
They can use the urgent care.
00:18:24.763 --> 00:18:26.407
They're going to use the emergency room.
00:18:26.407 --> 00:18:31.449
This is my plea when you have a primary care provider, and primary care is my specialty.
00:18:31.449 --> 00:18:32.230
So this is my plug.
00:18:32.800 --> 00:18:35.128
I have a longstanding relationship with you.
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I have a longstanding relationship with your developments over the years.
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I know you.
00:18:42.413 --> 00:18:46.241
I've known you from the beginning, developments over the years.
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I know you.
00:18:46.502 --> 00:18:50.054
I've known you from the beginning, and so now it's one of those things where, if you just go to the urgent care, they don't know you.
00:18:50.054 --> 00:18:53.711
It's true, they just know that one symptom that you told them about.
00:18:53.711 --> 00:19:12.605
The same thing with the emergency department If you're using the emergency department for primary care, you're not really getting the care that you deserve or the care that you really need, and I see a lot of people come to the emergency room and say, oh, I'm having this issue, do you have a primary care provider?
00:19:12.747 --> 00:19:13.269
No, I don't.
00:19:13.269 --> 00:19:21.250
And so, again, emergency rooms are Band-Aids, right, they're going to try to fix whatever and send you back out to a primary care provider.
00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:27.454
Having that relationship even when you're feeling well right, because we don't want to always see you when you're not feeling well.
00:19:27.454 --> 00:19:30.576
The relationship is long lasting, long standing, right.
00:19:30.576 --> 00:19:35.244
So I see you in your good days, I see you in your bad days and we kind of working through that relationship.
00:19:35.586 --> 00:19:37.151
But that person is supposed to know you.
00:19:37.151 --> 00:19:57.089
So if you don't have that relationship, if you don't have that relationship with your love for your loved one, a provider that knows them, that can see changes over a period of time, that can further advocate oh, I've known this person for five years, this is not their baseline, this is not who they are Then that kind of adds difficulty when you're trying to get things done.
00:19:57.089 --> 00:20:03.587
So, again, just have that established relationships with your provider before things start to go bad.
00:20:03.587 --> 00:20:14.810
Every year, annual physicals, every year, annual checkups, so that when things start to go right, we then have an opportunity to say, okay, now I see slight changes and we can jump in and intervene early.
00:20:19.686 --> 00:20:27.328
I mean, when you say it, it makes so much sense, yes, it sounds so.
00:20:27.328 --> 00:20:39.173
One plus one, yes, but when you're out there in that world, doc, that thing sounds like rocket science math, chinese math, sprinkled on top of oodles and noodles.
00:20:39.173 --> 00:20:43.234
You know what I'm saying, but I'm going to do better though.
00:20:43.234 --> 00:20:45.328
Okay, you know what I'm saying, but I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a do better though.
00:20:45.328 --> 00:20:56.144
Ok, I'm going to do better, and I'm going to encourage everyone, in the sound of my voice or in the view of my face, yes, to do the same, because it does make a difference.
00:20:56.144 --> 00:21:06.180
And I've seen it with, very recently, where there are caregivers whose LO's will not go to the doctor.
00:21:06.180 --> 00:21:26.732
And let me tell you the ploy I've been seeing, okay, and you let me know if you've seen this recently Okay, lots of appointments for elderly individuals are in the morning, because initially, when they're making them, they say, yeah, give me the eight o'clock, nine o'clock appointment, I want to go ahead and start my day.
00:21:27.354 --> 00:21:34.377
So I want to get on home because they want to be in the bed at 6 PM, okay, but come that morning they don't feel like it.
00:21:34.377 --> 00:21:38.509
Oh, I'm just not really up to getting dressed.
00:21:38.509 --> 00:21:40.993
It's just a checkup.
00:21:40.993 --> 00:21:42.876
Nothing's really wrong with me.
00:21:42.876 --> 00:21:44.398
Can you reschedule?
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