Did My Dad Visit Me at the NBA Finals? | A Caregiver's Story

Vulnerability And Caregiver Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey family. I'm talking about my parenting up, family. I'm about to go deep. It's gonna be quick. It's gonna be funny. It's gonna be very revealing. And I feel very vulnerable. This is the most vulnerable I have ever felt sharing with you. Period. End of story. So, what are you talking about, Jay? I'm talking about real life choices in self-care. How can you take care of yourself as a caregiver? And who the hell knew that the way I would do it was at a sporting event? I'm a caregiver because my daddy died. My daddy loved the Knicks, and y'all ain't gonna believe the way I figured out how to care for myself and honor my daddy. Come on. Come on, come on, listen to this truth. Parenting up Caregiving Adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. This shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. Don't be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, OGs, and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Zetty. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. Okay, I'm standing right here in

Why The Knicks Mean Dad

SPEAKER_00 1:50

a double XL Nick Blue T-shirt from the NBA Finals game. It says New York Knicks 2026 NBA Finals. How'd I get this damn shirt? Okay. So my father is born in June. The finals are in June. Father's Day is in June. So your girl was feeling super extra paternal and missing my daddy. And the only reason I'm a caregiver for my mama is because my daddy died. My father's massive heart attack caused such commotion in my mama's neurological system that the baby's brain broke. And dementia that would have naturally, we believe, occurred 8, 10, 12 years later, happened in three months. One quarter. You think your stock prices dropped? Hello? Shit. My stock prices went in the tanker that year. My dad is the most fanatical fan in New York sports history. I say that with confidence because first and foremost, he liked all the New York teams. Most crazy New York fans, and I'm saying crazy in love. Oh my God, shout out to Beyonce and Jay-Z. Look how I did that. Oh my God, I'm out here spitting, waxing poetically. But hardcore New York fans typically pick like the Mets and the Jets. Okay? The Giants and the Yankees. You can't be Islanders and Rangers, except if you're my dad. Because my dad was like, New York is the best at everything. And anything, New York. So I grew up an only child with a dad in Alabama that was rooting for New York stuff. New York sports is in my blood, even though I never lived there, never worked there, didn't go to school there. Might have dated a few guys from there, but that's for another episode. The Knicks had not been in the finals for about 30 years. And they had not carried the trophy since 1972-3-1. Does it matter? If it was 1970, anything, does it matter which year? 79, 71, a long effing time ago. As soon as the Knicks became the Eastern Conference Champions, I got sweaty palms. I was like, oh hell. The Knicks are in the championship. I should go. Because me and my dad would have gone to see the Knicks in the championship. Now, at first, I didn't know who they were going to play. Are they going to be playing the Spurs and Wimby? Or are they playing SGA and OKC? That's going to be very different price points. Okay, call it what you want to, but San Antonio don't cost as much as even OKC. So I was like, okay, I'm going to wait and I'm going to see. And then the Zetty part of me said, watch that goddamn game on TV. Sit beside your mama, root for your daddy's team, drink you a nice green smoothie, and call it a day. All right. So what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Then the final schedules came out. Did y'all know that they actually will give you the final schedule even before they know who the damn players are? That's how you know it's a whole lot of money in this network advertising. I found out that the Knicks game four was gonna be on my daddy's birthday. Right. I'm gonna give you a chance to calm down. I thought, what the what? In the garden on my daddy's birthday, the Knicks in the finals, and it's game four. So peep this. Even if the Knicks lost the first three, they gotta have a game four on my daddy's birthday. So I'ma just go and celebrate my dad, right? I'ma just go, I'ma just be there. I don't know if any of the rest of you looked at those damn ticket prices. Those ticket prices were insane. It was like $1,000 for courtside in San Antonio, $3,000 if it's OKC, and $100,000 for courtside if it's Massa Square Garden. I said, you know what? I'm not. I can't. This is dumb, Janae. This is dumb. Your dad's already dead. Okay? He don't even care if you go. Why are you so caught up? Why are you so caught up? And then I gotta let you know that I have been very intentionally focusing on surrendering, surrendering to intuition, to the will of the Holy Spirit, to the will of the universe, to the will of God,

Buying The Ticket And Getting In

SPEAKER_00 7:20

all my angels and saints and everything, and not trying to push my own agenda on stuff, which is hard because I have agendas and I have plans. But it wouldn't let me go, y'all. It wouldn't let me go. So when it was one, when it was two, when it was, when the next were two all, I said, all right, all right, I'm gonna do it. Because if they go up three all, it's gonna cost too much. It's gonna cost even more. So I went, I got the ticket. A single ticket. I'm telling my friends, one of my very, very best girlfriends. I call her New Bestie. Shout out, New Bestie. She said, girl, guess where I'm gonna be for the Nick game for? I was like, where? She said, I'm gonna be in New York. I'm not going to the game, but I'm gonna be there. She was there for work. And she said, My hotel is six blocks from Massive Square Garden. I was like, shut up. I just bought a ticket and I don't have a hotel or a plane. Right. This is where it pays to be loyal. I've been loyal as hell to Delta Airlines, and they gave me a lot of points, and then I got to that game for almost no money. Now, almost no money really means that I spent so much money with Delta that they owe me something. You know what I mean? In this case, though, it came out. So that means I got my airfare almost free, basically, and then my lodging. Yo, do you know? Do you remember what happened? Because the current person that's president, shall we name names of the United States, decided to go to game three. So then they came up with all these new techniques and parameters around security. So the perimeter was stupid. So trying to ride the subway, get a taxi, Uber, walk, ride a bike was bananas. Except my new bestie happened to have a hotel room inside the perimeter. So I'm like, God, you must want me to go. Happy birthday, Jocko. Happy birthday, Jaco. Game four.

unknown 9:35

Woo!

SPEAKER_00 9:36

We leave the whose LE in New York. It's muggy and hot, and look at that. Bruder, Brunch, Brunch! Yeah, you must want me to go to this game. I fly in and arrive like four hours before the game starts. Maybe five hours. Anyway, enough time to get me a little bit of a cocktail, change my clothes. Because I had a New York fresh gear outfit. Didn't say next though, but it was orange and blue like a mug. Y'all, I get to the game. I'm standing, I get to the I get to the arena four hours early. Y'all know I'm never early. I am four hours before tip-off. The arena ain't even open. And I'm just there, hoping and waiting. It starts to drizzle a little bit. And then out of nowhere, this lady comes out of a door and says, Hey, is anybody out here? Okay, that's not a lady voice. That's a little dark, a little deep. Hey, anybody out here got clear? Clear as in the pre-check TSA airline stuff. I was like, hell yeah. Do you mean clear? Okay, this clear mean clear like the app. This is clear like you gotta be white, you're a clear person. Do you have saran rap? What is it? Because if I don't have it, I'll go get it. Y'all, she really meant clear. I'm clear down. It's clear to get you into why am I sixth in line? Wait for it. Why am I sixth in line to get in the garden?

unknown 11:34

Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Alright, so I get in. My nerves are bad. It's my daddy's birthday. It's my daddy's heavenly birthday, and his most precious beloved Knicks are playing in the garden for the finals. And this time it's 2-1. Because the president came and threw off the juju and the vibes, and the Knicks lost. Whatever. Okay, I'm in the game, y'all. It's sold out. Everybody knows that the game is sold out.

The Empty Seat Beside Me

SPEAKER_00 12:10

The garden was sold out before we knew if the Knicks were playing. OKC versus San Antonio. Because these Knicks fans they're insane. They're absolutely insane. I get in. The reason why I have this shirt on, people, is because this shirt, it was a giveaway. Everybody who had, when you came into the arena, it was on the seat. Do you know that in a sold-out arena, the seat to the left of me? Come on, church. The left side is where your heart is. Okay? That's why you put the ring finger on the left hand. Because that finger is supposed to go to some artery or vein or something that's a big deal to your heart. The left, the seat on the left side of me, y'all ain't gonna believe this. And I swear I ain't lying. Oh my love for Zetty. Do you know for the entirety of that game, all the pre-show, all the halftime, the whole game, nobody came. I'm a step away from the mic. Nobody sat down in the damn seat right next to me. So I told all the people around me, because I went alone. So it's it's couples, is sons and daddies and best friends. And everybody said, Well, who are you here with? And I was like, Well, long story short, I'm here celebrating my father, but he's in heaven. Okay, midway through the first quarter, I said shit. Maybe daddy ain't in heaven right now. Maybe daddy's in this seat next to me. Okay, through the entire pregame, and we are two minutes to tip off. The seat beside me is empty. I don't see any other seat near me. That's my eye can see that's actually empty. Don't let me find out Josh Holes gonna watch this game sitting beside me. Because how come nobody came and sat in his seat? And I told the people around me and they were like, shit, maybe it is your daddy. So anyway, it's legendary how the game went. The Knicks were down by 29 points in the third quarter. I got mad as hell in the third quarter. I said, I spent too damn much money. I left my mama. This is irrational, Janae, and erratic. And now the Knicks are getting their butts beat. And I'm telling you, not 12 seconds later, I felt horrible and a sense of remorse and guilt. I said, God, I'm so sorry. I'm over here throwing a panic attack on you because the Knicks aren't winning. You know what, parents and our family? I didn't even ask God for them to win. That's on me. Now I don't know how do you necessarily get prayers answered, but what I do know is I said, hey God. I I just I ain't really gonna say hey God like that, but in my spirit, I was saying, I really want to honor my dad because y'all, I've been missing him so much. It's like it's been like 15 years, and it the the longing is so freaking deep. I said, if I could just, if I could just be in the garden on my dad's birthday when the Knicks are playing for the championship, I don't out, that'll be such a powerful moment. And that's what I said in my prayer and meditation, okay? And then the universe made that happen. And then here, my sorry ass is gonna start throwing a fit because they're not winning. So, anyway, I get up, I leave, I say, I'm about to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna pull myself together, and I'm gonna get me one of them big old sausage dog thingies and a pretzel and a beer, because that's what my dad would have done. I come back. Do y'all know when I got back in the arena, it had gone from like 29 or 26 down to like 19 points? I was like, okay. All right, that's better than it being 45 points. I didn't know what would happen when I went to the bathroom. Y'all, these fools in the Madison Square Garden Arena were standing and cheering like 19 points is one point. They were acting like the Knicks were in the lead. I was like, damn, this is what desperation looks and feels like. But I'm standing there, I'm eating massage dog, I'm eating my press up, I'm drinking my beer, I'm looking, I'm pulling all the reverie, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so happy I'm here. I will never ever publicly state how much I paid. It was asinine. My daddy might not even have paid it, but my daddy wasn't missing me. You feel what I'm saying? My daddy wasn't missing me. Anyway, so I'm getting hyped. I'm sweating in my armpits right now as I recount this. As the game is getting closer and closer and closer to the end, which means the Knicks are coming back. All of the men around me, because it's only like one lady, all the men around me, they're patting me on the head, which is inappropriate. All men don't pat a woman on the head, especially if you don't know her. And if it's a black woman you don't know, don't pat her nowhere. We're a little touchy, you know what I mean? I mean, not okay, touchy sounds wrong. We're a little squeamish. But they are. They are patting me on the head, on the shoulders, everything, like, hey, hey, hey, your dad is doing. I think we're gonna win. Oh my god, oh my god, your dad is the gift, your dad is the gift that keeps on giving. And I'm like, shit, I guess I don't know. When the Knicks got to within one point, and it was less than a minute, y'all, I leaned down to this still empty seat. It's the first time I actually talked to the seat and acknowledged to the seat's face that I think my daddy is there. Other than that, I was just telling everybody around. You don't know how it is, how you tell other people and not the person to their face. Okay, with 30 seconds left, next down by one point. Nobody ever came and sat in the seat next to me. All the rest of this section is full. I believe this is my dad. For the first time the whole game, I padded the seat. I said, okay, daddy, you gotta handle this shit. Now listen, I ain't saying, but I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Happy birthday, daddy. I looked down at the seat and I hit the seat. Whap, whip, whip, in my Kevin Hart voice. I said, Daddy, listen. We have done all we can do down here. The Knicks, the fans, we've done all we can do down here. Now, this shit is on you. You need to go and pull this through. And I popped it one more time and I turned around and I started cheering and chanting with all my might. I was sitting right behind the goal where OG Ananobli tipped the damn ball in. Do you understand what I'm saying? The whole arena was shaking. It was a like a 10 or the seven Richter scale of an earthquake. We didn't know if the basket counted. We're jumping up and down. Beer and pretzels and boobs are everywhere. May or may not have been my boobs or the other lady, because it was just two of us. Anyway, but guys have boobs. It was boobs. It was so loud and so chaotic. We were like, did it count? Did the shot clock go off? Is there a foul? Is there a three-second violation? Because there have been a few calls that we did not appreciate. And you couldn't hear anything or feel anything. People were collapsing like it was a Michael Jackson concert. You know, old school Michael Jackson concerts, and people, he just came out there and stood there and looked, and folks fainted. That's what was happening, all up and down the steps. Anyway, finally, it's calm enough for us to look at the scoreboard. People would dump it up so down so high, I'm not that tall, that I couldn't even see the scoreboard looking straight up in the air. And then we see that we have the point. That the basket counted. But the game ain't over. The game isn't over. And the young man sitting beside me, he said, ma'am, you don't know the Knicks like I do. The buzzer hasn't sounded. And we could still lose this game. So I'm not gonna celebrate yet. I said, young man, you ain't been through what I've been through. And my daddy made them people put that ball in that net. And we're not about to lose. I'm telling you, we're not about to lose. Now you ain't gotta believe me. But I'm celebrating right now. Y'all did that buzzer went off.

The Win And What It Healed

SPEAKER_00 21:55

The game ended 15 minutes ago. Nobody has left. That was crazy. I cried. I slumped over the chair in front of me because wasn't nobody in it, because everybody was standing up. Crying on my knees with the back of that chair pressing up in my abdomen, crying real tears, like slob coming out my mouth. There was so much raw emotion. I'm there because of my dad to honor him. And then I think he's there too. And then I think God, the universe, the angels, the Holy Spirit, Buddha, Muhammad, Confucius, everything that's ever been about love, the Dalai Lama, except if he's messing with them little boys. I'm not getting into all of that. I'm talking about the spirit of what the Dalai Lama represents. All of that was present. And I felt like those higher powers, whoever they are, gave me a little bit of sunshine. They say, baby, we see you. We see what you need, and we appreciate what you're doing. Follow your intuition to take care of yourself. Okay, Jay, your self-care may not look like anybody else's. And you may not do no real self-care, but once or twice a year. But damn it, when you do it, do it, do it, do it. Now, I was in that stadium, that arena, excuse me, for over an hour after the game went off. After the tip. Why? Because nobody left. That was the I hope that the DJ releases whatever the mix was. It was like 45 or 50 minutes of only New York artists. Everything from Frank Sinatra to Wu-Tang clan. Now, have you ever had a mix that had Frank Wu-Tang clan? And like it was so. Of course, Jay-Z, of course, Mary J and Oh my God. It was just listen. There were times when I doubted if it made any sense. But in my heart, it felt like it would be so rewarding just to be there in a space that I know me and my dad would have loved. So for a few moments, or actually for a few hours, he was with me. And I nobody will ever convince me that that seat wasn't divinely left empty. Right beside me. That's my best caregiver self-care ever. And I gotta show y'all my um New York Nick dote gold rope. Shout out to Fape Flavor Flav. I was the only non-drunk white frat boy or four-year-old kid wearing it. And I wore it proudly because it was ridiculous. Me being there was ridiculous, so I should have had on ridiculous gear. I also wore my blue eyeglasses. And look at this commemorative ticket that they gave us. Shout out to who gave it to us? I think it was Lexus. Yes, Lexus. Finals, a commemorative ticket. Because you know, all the real tickets now. Damn download. I don't want the little crappy download paper. I still have the armband they gave us to wear that would light up during certain times for the music and the announcements.

Mementos And A Simple Ask

SPEAKER_00 25:50

I kept all of it. Why? I was raised by a collector. So this is the only time I'm gonna wear this shirt. All this stuff is about to be put in a shadow box with the memories and the moments that let me know, hey Jay, you're gonna be all right. Thank you for tuning in. I mean, really, really, really, thank you so very much for tuning in. Whether you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform. Either way, wherever you are, subscribe. Come back. That's the way you're gonna know when we do something next. Y'all know how it is. I'm Jay Smiles. I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.